swearing

[cola2019]

My 11 and 13 yr old have cottoned on to the fact how much my husband hates swearing so they now know it is a sure fire to get his attention. He refuses to ignore it so he comes down on them for oh god or b they think it is hilairious so now they keep saying f and s on repeat. The more he tells then off the more they do it. Trouble is he nags them for everything so they love the attention they get for swearing. When it is just me in the house they rarely swear just the odd oh god if something goes wrong but husband will not let it go. Thing is he is the most athiest person out there. In his defence he is autistic and finds parenting really really hard and hates his space and harmonious discord being taken over by kids. He is often out to avoid being around us and I just need him to realise the constant nagging and telling off escalates everything so much more and if he just let them be themselves when he was home they would probably not wind him up so much.

I agree with others. You have two separate issues here.

1. Swearing - I don’t allow the DCs to swear at home / in front of us / in front of family. Fully aware they do it with their friends, but these are the family rules they have to follow. If they don’t, there will be consequences (taking their phone away usually does the trick, although to be honest we haven’t had to). I think it’s a good life lesson to learn when swearing is / isn’t appropriate. If you and your DH are asking them not to swear, and they carry on doing it, what are the consequences?
2. Your DH isn’t behaving like a parent and that’s a real shame. How must it feel for your DCs to know their Dad isn’t that interested in them? What must that be doing for their self esteem? He needs to work out what his own issues are around spending time with his children. Surely not all autistic parents avoid their children? It must have been very hard on you having to solo parent all these years.