Should I let her change her name?

[Marie84]

My dd hasn't seen her dad for a while now and tbh I don't blame her! He has been vile, promising to take her on holiday then just taking his other kids, ignoring her messages, making up lies about her...the list goes on. Recently she has been asking to change her surname to the same as mine. She mentioned it a few years ago and recently been more serious. I know she would probably need both parents permission and I'm not even sure if he would agree. I feel so bad for her and can't believe the way he has treated her, she is seeing the school councillor as it's been affecting her school work - she has her GCSE's this year. She hasn't been sleeping well and just generally feeling crappy about herself 😔 I think in her mind it's one thing she can have some sort of control over and would make her feel better. It's heart breaking to see. What are your thoughts on this? I don't know what to say, I just keep saying "we'll see"

I don't have any experience of this, but my gut feeling is yes! Look into it together and see what you would need to do to get the ball rolling. One small thought though- would she have already been entered for her GCSEs under her current surname?

Unfortunately I think you would need your ex's consent - information here. I assume he does have Parental Responsibility (in the legal sense, not in the sense of him ever exercising any actual responsibility for her).

I believe she can start using a 'known as' surname for every day life, with a view to legally changing her surname when she reaches 18? I think this is worth exploring with her - she must feel very powerless in this situation.

It might also be worth looking at some counselling outside school as well. It can take a lot of work to detach from a bad parent, and it sounds like she needs to get him out of her life (and her head) permanently.

I might be wrong, but I don't think she does need his permission?

My friend changed her sons name when he was 11 and the only thing she can't get is a passport in his new name until he is 16.

But I think your DD can change it herself anyway by deedpoll when she turns 16, which if she's doing GCSEs I'm guessing she's not far off?

My child changed their name and didn’t need his permission because he doesn’t have parental responsibility because of when he was born so it’s worth checking if this is the case for you. I found it pretty easy to do, feel free to PM if you want any help

My dad had no interest in me or my siblings growing up and we decided we wanted our step dad's name as teenagers. My mum was worried about his reaction but supported us throughout. It felt amazing the day we changed like we were finally able to walk away from him. My step dad is the warmest kindest caring man and it is a privilege to have his name he is my dad and always will be. Let ur daughter decide

She can change it by deedpoll at 16. When does she turn 16? Is it before her GCSEs?

She will have already been entered for them but I am not sure how much notice they need for a name change.

The certificates themselves are not printed until months after the results in case your DD has a later birthday.

Thank you all for your response! I am going to look into it properly next week and go from there. She doesn't turn 16 until the end of August. I don't think her Dad will be happy about it but what can he say! He has never really been a father to her.

yes