So 14yo has confessed to trying to get alcohol...

[CaraJulyDreams]

...though he hasn't actually succeeded yet. Familiar story – in a group of peers, egging each other on, trying to get someone older to make the purchase, etc, etc. He told me in an apologetic text, so I haven't seen him yet.

I know this is an age-old issue that just needs to be got through and dealt with, and I absolutely don't plan on coming down on him like a ton of bricks or shouting the odds at him, but I'd be interested to hear your suggested approaches. I know I shouldn't be over-the-top cool with him, either! How to find the right balance... WWYD?

I would have a discussion about why he wanted alcohol, why the laws stop children from getting alcohol etc. I wouldn't give a punishment for this bit I would make it clear that I was happy with their honesty but disappointed they gave in to peer pressure.

Why did he tell you?

Thanks, Frenchfancy, that's helpful. And what would you say are the best ways to resist peer pressure at that age?

Flori, yeah, I'm wondering that too. He said it's been preying on his mind for a couple of weeks ... just wondering if other parents involved know and were about to tell me, though I don't really know them. Time will tell. Though I don't want to be cynical –he is generally an honest lad.

My DS def drunk at 14 - not often but he would tell me - usually a friend’s dad giving him a beer now and again. He’s nearly 16 and tbh rarely drinks except at the occasional party so am not overly concerned. If he was getting smashed every weekend then there would be an issue.
Your ds hasn’t drunk yet so you can say that the occasional beer is ok but you don’t want him to get into the habit of it. It’s a drug and excessive consumption at any age is not good - you can tell him factually what it does to your body too.

I would not come down like a tonne of bricks, I’d have a sympathetic chat, tell him you appreciate him confessing and get him to talk about his friends and what they are like (in non judgemental way)

I think at this age it is very important to keep lines if communication open, and to keep talking about what is going on in his life

It is not a big deal, just normal teenage stuff I think. But good to learn about peer pressure and the hell of being 14

Does 'preying on his mind' mean 'we've been caught by the police and blocked for harassing passers by to get us drinks', by any chance?

MoonCup that's what I'm not sure about yet... it was kind of an odd text...

It does seem very odd that he's texted you with a confession. The 'I was being egged on..' does sound like they've been caught and he's establishing his excuses! What do you mean by odd? Assuming he's been honest then just have a chat with him about it. Do you have a personal parenting stance on booze op? I know it can vary a lot.

Just odd in that he started with "I've made a mistake"... although, I guess, that's actually quite good??! Just don't know whether he's pulling the wool or what.
And a "personal parenting stance on booze", like so much else since the DC were born, is kind of something I am making up as I go along! DS has had plenty of little tastes of alcohol at home –trying to remove the allure of it being forbidden –so I definitely err on the more casual side, but am still not looking forward to the night he comes home rat-arsed and barfing... but I guess no-one does!

I guess I'm hoping that if I shower him with kindness and understand it'll make him feel bad if he IS fibbing to me...!

I think it’s brilliant he’s telling you, be kind! I was drinking at 13, never told my parents, worked out fine and went to uni, have a well paid job etc. Isn’t this just normal teen behaviour?

I guess so, Oly, though for some reason I didn't drink till I was 18! I know that's highly abnormal, though!

I've made a mistake aww, if he isn't fibbing he sounds quite sweet!