Dating at 13 and Visits to Houses

[bobelle9]

My daughter has started to ask to meet up with her boyfriend out of school and at his house!? He is the same age and apparently his mum has invited my daughter. I dont know them, where they live and have never dropped her off to a boys house and leave her with people I dont know! I dont want to be too controlling and paranoid like her dad can be (we are divorced) but am not comfortable. What do you advise? Should I consult her dad and agree a plan as he will probably get mad with me if I agree? Feel between a rock and a hard place as I want to trust her and not want her to rebel. Please help! Thankyou

How about you invite boyfriend over to yours first, then then offer to take him home...you could get a sense of their relationship, of him and his house/parent?

I wouldn't be comfortable with or allow that either OP. Our present rule for our DD (14) is that she can meet her boyfriend in town, e.g. at Starbucks or the cinema (i.e. in a public place) or that he can come to ours. She knows and understands that she is not permitted to go to his as we don't know him or his parents and therefore can't be sure of her safety - and neither can she. She has so far accepted this (and we're now hoping the boyfriend will show up here soon so that we then have an excuse to make contact with his parents). Another condition we have is that we have his mobile and home 'phone number and his home address. (We couched it in terms of 'what if you lose your phone and his details' or 'what if there is an accident when you are out together and we get contacted' but it's actually a further safety measure).

If you get on well with your ex, I would discuss it with him and see what he thinks. Better to both be pulling in the same direction.

[smile]@maccavity you actually got her bfs number and his parents my 2 dd would never give me this info
You can't meet every boy they have as a bf.
Did use bring every boy you went out with to meet your parents

He's only her first boyfriend mcmen so, to an extent, she's very accommodating . But we simply explained the need for the details in terms of it being a risk for her to go anywhere without us having a way of contacting her and the person she is with directly. It's like going mountaineering (we live by the Alps!) - you always leave the details of where you are going behind in case of emergencies.

And, no in the longterm, we wouldn't expect to meet all her boyfriends first. But at the moment she's a not-so-savvy 14 year old and we are trying to help her see the importance of doing what you can to judge the situation you are putting yourself in and keeping safe.

I have 15 and 13 year old dd’s both have had boys here, what’s worked well was dd1 first boyfriend had younger sister so was very sweet with dd2 and they actually all ended up watching film together upstairs then other times dd1 and him would be in her room watching tik toks etc with door open. I did fb message his mum to check she knew he was coming to us and in turn dd1 went to his house a few times. That ended but still good friends. Dd2 has ‘boyfriend’ who came round last night for dinner (McDonald’s valentine meal!) again they were upstairs but dd1 was around and could hear them talking etc.

His mum has invited dd2 round this week and I’m happy for her to go (again fb messaged the mum we aren’t friends but it’s a good way of contact) my only rules are that boys aren’t allowed here without someone else being home (Dh works shifts and I work part time so most of the time someone is home or I don’t mind if there are a few of their friends here and they are watching Netflix together)

I’ve tried to make it very relaxed and not an issue so they don’t do the sneaking around like I used too! So far it seems to be working they are fairly open and honest with us and know the rules