Need hand holding. Ds1 is in gcse year I am so sad about how things are going

[StrumpersPlunkett]

Yet I know it seems standard teenager behaviour.
I don’t want to say I am disappointed but it is that kind of feeling.
He has no interests aside from computer games and his mates.
He is doing bare minimum regarding school
I want to shake him!!!
We have found some science stuff to go to as he wants to do a level geography and biology but his reaction is disgust. “It’s not part of my curriculum I don’t see the point.”
He has no curiosity about the world
In so many ways he is so good. Not into drugs or anything illegal. He is polite and can be kind.
I just don’t want to give up on helping him find something that sparks him.
Words of wisdom please.
We have fallen out this evening. I have come to bed to avoid saying I feel disappointed

Despite my username I’ve older ones. GCSE year is hard! For you and for them too. You’re worried and that’s normal. If he’s not interested exploring other things you can’t really push it. Sometimes the more we ‘suggest’ the more they dig their heels in. Often they’ll come to it if their own accord.
You don’t mention how he’s doing revising etc. You say bare minimum regarding school.... how were mocks? How do teachers feel he’ll do?
He’s a good kid so remind yourself of that and him too.

You can only be supportive. You cant make him interested in stuff he isn't. He must be 15/16 and old enough to decide for himself. Lots of kids are like him - and may take a year or three for him to get himself out from in front of the computer screen.
Be encouraging but you can't live his life - it's up to him.

I used to be a teaching assistant and saw how school can put pressure on student to do well. My son was pushed in to A levels and then uni, taking a degree in computer games. He dropped out after the second year and did nothing for a year. He now has a job that is nothing like what we would have thought for him, he loves it. Now my dd29 wasn't any good at the basics, maths, English etc. Went to college for child care, while there they bumped up her basics. Had problems with her knee so couldn't carry on the nursery nursing, heath and safety, so went for It, she's now got a brilliant job. This from the dd who liked Napoleon ice cream.
Please don't be disappointed or push him too much, its probably a good thing he can't decide on what he wants to do. Just be there for him.

I know what you mean op,
I have a bright but lazy daughter in year 11.
Since parents evening last week she seems a little more engaged, but getting the recommended 2 hours a day self directed learning out of her is hard.
According to her teachers she can get 7 s in 5 of the 8 subjects she’s doing, IF she puts the work in.

It’s only a few months, why can't she knuckle down?

Feel exactly the same DS just doesn’t get it - revision sketchy - everyone at school on his back but also Trying help. He failed 4 of the 9 GCSEs in the mocks. Resisting after half term. I’m tearing my hair out - gives it all the lip service but I fear actions will never come

That is just it. It feels like lip service!
He got 5,6,7&8 ‘a for his mocks with no revision so seems to think that’s ok. He could be getting stronger grades if he gave a shit!
I am trying so hard not to be pushy but when he tells me his friend us getting up early to put an hour of revision in before school I just can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t get it.

My dd was and is exactly like this. She’s 17 and does the bare minimum and because she is bright enough to get good ish grades she can’t be bothered to do anything more than that. No interests other than watching You Tube. I just tell myself at least she’s not going out getting drunk all the time or going about with dodgy boys / groups of people - she’s a total homebody. I think they’re very young and in time they’ll work out what they want / need to do. I just keep talking to her and encouraging her to think about stuff other than You Tube make up tutorials from time to time! (She’s doing A levels and isn’t sure if she wants to go to university at the moment, that’s fine, I just give her the options and open days and let her make her mind up)!

Turn the internet off.

I have a ‘teenage’ brother who was exactly like this with computer games. He’s now 31 living at my grandmothers still obsessed with them.

He dropped out of college because he couldn’t cope with real life interactions with his tutor

Don’t turn the internet off... ! You’ll completely isolate him and make your relationship even worse. By all means limit it a bit if you think he has a real issue self regulating but at 15/16/17 their whole social world is about the internet and they need to learn how to self regulate.

I had one like that. Now a young adult and while he himself recognises that he should have put in a bit more work, I think we both also recognise that he was never going to be the kind of person who loves reading and informing themselves and will go onto university and have a typical MN career. He is working in a low skills job but looking around for an apprenticeship that might lead to a more interesting life. I am proud of him. The fact that friends' children may be going to Oxbridge is neither here nor there. He did however need to learn to make an effort.

What about getting him to have a careers interview at school, or go to the big careers fairs for year 10 upwards called What Career/What University Live. Or look at the Which University resources which are very good.

If he got 5,6,7,8s for his mocks I think you may be overworrying. Those are pretty decent grades, likely to go up between now and real exams and he's probably doing some revision at school anyway.

What grades does he need to progress to whatever he needs to do next year? As long as he's on track for those, I'd suggest he'd doing perfectly fine.

Motivate him with a tangible reward? We promised a financial contribution towards our DS's first car.

Thanks guys.
It us great to be able to vent in here so I am not venting at him!

at 15/16/17 their whole social world is about the internet and they need to learn how to self regulate

What if they don’t learn this, as in the pp whose brother is 31 and wasting his life on gaming? This is a new thing that we didn’t have to cope with as teenagers.

I'm stressing out got my dd mock results yesterday she failed 7 out 10 failed all the main subjects she said a grade on a piece of paper doesn't define me and I'm inside screaming yes it will help if you study.
She is so easily distracted wont leave phone out of her hand.
Her main interest drama in the written part she got a G which is a 1 what can I do.
When I correct her attitude she says it's my fault I'm affecting her mental health ìf I stand back she would literally lay on the sofa on snapchat and tik tok.

I'm a bit frustrated with my DS, too.
Too much screens. Won't revise, basically.

otoh, I read threads on here about so many teenage problems that I have zero of. Just 100% zero, with DS. And he is mostly getting good grades.
So grit teeth & keep trying to encourage...

My generation drowned in drugs, sex & rock+roll instead of computer games.

Sounds like my DS - also year 11. He could do amazingly well bur does bare minimum and cos he’s clever he thinks he can get away w it.
He is generally a good ‘normal’ teen and doesn’t give me many problems, he’ll do well enough to get into chosen A levels which is prob enough for him but as his mum I’d like him to achieve his potential.
Yesterday I was going to sit w him to do a revision timetable, but he went round to a friend’s when dh and I popped out! I’m trying to drum it in that he can work and socialise but for next 3 months work needs to take priority.

Mcmen- written drama is hard. Is that the live theatre bit? She needs to perfect an essay somehow and memorise it for the actual gcse - my DD did that and got a 7 overall (as their practical was marked down).

Ne pushy. It’s his future.
Use computer game time as rewards. Start insisting on school work first.
If you can afford tutor to give structure to learning and revision then do so. Online tutoring can be very good.
Plan in a few visits with him and without the computer - geography based stuff. Go for a trip to see coastal erosion or flood damage. Take a trip down the Thames to the flood barrier.
Track a river from source to sea.
If you can afford a trip to Iceland to see tectonic plates and geysers use it as a reward for studying.

@JustDanceAddict she said it was a group activity that 4 off them done it together but found the written test on her bedroom floor and it looks like it was on the Crusible something like that. I am just constantly nagging her to study.

@mcmen05

It’s def worth looking at the spec for drama as there is practical and written coursework, plus a written exam at the end. Each counts for a different percentage.
They do a devised piece which sounds like the group work and they do a write-up of that, and the Crucible part is the acted piece of an existing play which is the other practical part.

We had a good chat tonight looking at a college on Tuesday with either her bf or her dad as I'm working

We're trying carrot and stick approach with DS1 and cold hard cash.
He's got a trip away planned for late March but knows he's only going if he revises and does well in next mocks in early March.
For real exams, we've offered £50 for any grade 5 and £100 for a 6 or above.
He's saving for a gaming laptop so knows this is worthwhile. Might work if your DS sees something tangible he wants at end.
Help him by doing a revision timetable. Break it up and make it seem less daunting.
Make sure life isn't all about GCSEs and revision.
Does he have other out of school activities? DS does and I think that's really important.