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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS 15 panic attacks

17 replies

MetallicPaints · 01/02/2020 08:38

Does anyone have experience of this and could offer some advice or a handhold? DS is 15, in Yr 11. Bright boy, doing well at school and mostly predicted 7s and 8s in his GCSEs. He's had periods of anxiety on and off throughout his life, he was a very very anxious toddler and when starting school, settled down until about Yr 4/5 when hormones started kicking in, has been pretty much OK the last few years but always an underlying tendency to worry, especially regarding his health.

We have done our very best over the years to support him and give him tools to build his resilience and cope with life in the real world. He's doing amazingly well and growing into a thoughtful mature young man.

Over the last few weeks he's been describing what I think are classic signs of a panic attack. Feeling light headed, chest pains, difficulty breathing. We've had him checked out at the GP and physically he is strong fit and healthy. We have talked about breathing techniques which he learned when at Junior School.

I think he feels embarrassed and frustrated by these symptoms, he says he doesn't feel stressed but of course there is huge pressure in Yr 11 and its bound to have an impact. I have yesterday contacted school via his mentor who has responded and will pass the information on to the school's pastoral care team. In the meantime I would welcome any advice and support from anyone who has been through this with their child.

OP posts:
Lilactimes · 01/02/2020 12:12

Sorry to hear this. It must be very worrying. This period in year 11 onwards seems so stressful. My daughter is also prone to worry and anxiety and in year 11.
In addition to all the amazing things you’ve already done perhaps a couple of the following may help.
Lumie SAD lamp to help in the morning; a weighted blanket to help sleep and calming; and some vitamins like B12 just to ensure diet etc fully healthy. Most importantly ensuring he realises that even tho it’s an important time, it’s not life or death, and if he gets all 5s or fails some you will still love him and his life won’t end. He can always retake. Everyone is on their own timeline and progresses at different rates. Schools are stressed because so much depends on being able to publicise their strong results, their burden shouldn’t be passed on to the pupils. Yes he needs to drive himself but through the lens of understanding that if it doesn’t quite work out he will be fine. Maybe some of these things will take the edge off for him. Good luck x

oohnicevase · 01/02/2020 12:24

My daughter had this , she was prescribed propranolol to take when she is anxious . She doesn't need it much now but knowing it's there is helpful .

WrackspurtsAndNargles62442 · 01/02/2020 12:49

So sorry to hear what your DS is going through, OP. I too have suffered periods of anxiety and panic attacks throughout my life so I know how scary it must be for him (and you!).
It might be worth going back to the GP and chatting about what help is available for him. Everyone is different and will find different things helpful, but there are a few things that have made a big difference for me:

  1. there are a few places around the country that do free counselling for 16-25 year olds, I had a 12 week course and it really helped. Depends where you are in the country but look up Off The Record as they might do something near you.
  2. yoga! Some people roll their eyes at the suggestion of yoga for mental health issues but it's made a huge difference to me. Learning different breathing techniques and also the act of gentle controlled movement that helps you to concentrate on something other than the stresses in your head can be very helpful
  3. medication - something to discuss with your GP but I found I was stuck in a bit of a cycle where I had a panic attack and was then scared it would happen again which of course caused a panic attack itself. I had a very low dose of medication which was just enough to stop the physical symptoms and then the other stuff has kept it at bay.
  4. make a bit of time each day for him to do something he likes - even if it's just reading a book or watching a TV programme. Whilst studying is important so are the breaks!
blackcat86 · 01/02/2020 12:57

I also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which started in my teens.its a really good time to help him learn what works for him - my parents ignored it because of prejudice over MH issues and that meant I suffered for about 20yrs before I was diagnosed with PND and PNA. I have found any sort of grounding or mindfulness activity helpful. There are lots of guided meditation apps that work well and I have an acupressure mat (cheapie ebay one) that helps. I would second the power of yoga especially with health anxiety and would also stress the importance of good quality sleep. Try and get him balancing work and fun. All the usual wellbeing stuff as well as counselling have also been good. I wish I'd known some of those strategies earlier.

MetallicPaints · 01/02/2020 15:57

Thank you so so much for all the helpful supportive replies, it really means a lot to me. I will read through all of your suggestions, lots of useful advice for me to think about.
He does have interests outside of school, he enjoys mountain biking and often goes off with his mates at the weekend, he's actually just come back from a 4hr ride! I think it really helps him to be physically active and have fun. He also does self defence classes which again helps.

The lamp and a weighted blanket sound like great ideas, I will look into it, also the medication which I think I would struggle to get him to take but good to know it is there as an option. Thanks also for the counselling idea, I would really like him to engage with something like that, I will look up the suggested course. Getting him to go along could be tricky though, half the battle is getting him to accept it is a real problem and there's no shame in accepting help and support. I think he'd like it to just go away, which of course it won't.

He knows we love and support him unconditionally and don't actually mind what grades he achieves, we try not to put any pressure on him. My hope is that by letting the school know, his teachers will be aware and hopefully be supportive.

OP posts:
MetallicPaints · 01/02/2020 18:14

@WrackspurtsAndNargles62442 thank you so much for the Off The Record recommendation, we have one local to us and I have emailed themSmile

OP posts:
thanksamillion · 01/02/2020 18:18

I was on a course the other day about anxiety and the trainer was talking about bilateral stimulation when someone is having a panic attack. So things like clicking fingers alternately on both hands or tapping alternate legs. No idea if it works but according to her there is science behind it.

pointythings · 01/02/2020 19:51

I would suggest using a mindfulness app to help him deal with the stress of the GCSE year. There are several good free ones which let you identify your triggers, record your mood and your feelings and which also provide guided meditations (which can be as short as 3 to 5 minutes) to bring a sense of calm. These really helped for my DDs.

I would strongly recommend your DS revisits his breathing techniques as well.

Yoghurtpots · 01/02/2020 20:05

(Sorry to hi-jack) Pointythings if you have a minute would you mind recommending one or two apps please as they sound like something that could help my dd and I wouldn't know where to find one/ how to download.

MetallicPaints · 01/02/2020 21:05

@pointythings thank you. Any app recommendations gratefully received. We did manage to explain the importance of the breathing exercises, its tricky when you have an outwardly confident and physically tall strong young man who has to admit he needs help. I think an app might appeal to his techy side! Thanks again.

OP posts:
pointythings · 01/02/2020 22:20

@yoghurtpots and OP - I will ask DD2 tomorrow - she's gone to bed. Will post recommended links here.

Mindfulness is incredibly powerful. Without it I would not have survived the breakdown of my marriage.

Yoghurtpots · 02/02/2020 10:03

Thank you Pointy things

pointythings · 02/02/2020 10:32

Right, got a few.

www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app is considered really good but isn't free. You can get a free trial to see if it's for you though.

calmharm.co.uk/ despite the title this isn't just for self harm. It actively calms your mind when you feel panic coming by giving your mind something else to do.

play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=gov.va.mobilehealth.ncptsd.mindfulnesscoach&hl=en_GB this one was developed for veterans so might be particularly useful for your DS

www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/gadgets-tech/phones-accessories/best-mindfulness-apps-a8217931.html this article is also really worth a read and offers some good reviews and suggestions.

I hope you find something that works for your DS.

MetallicPaints · 02/02/2020 10:46

@pointythings thank you so muchSmile

OP posts:
Yoghurtpots · 02/02/2020 11:20

Really kind of you to spend part of a precious Sunday morning posting those Pointy things thank you so much! Flowers

Cuddling57 · 02/02/2020 11:35

Have you tried Bach's rescue remedy or Kalms products if he isn't keen on proper medication?

pointythings · 02/02/2020 16:39

You're both completely welcome. Both my DDs struggle with anxiety (youngest has PTSD on top of it due to abusive dad).

Rescue remedy can be helpful, but mindfulness is more powerful. IME it's good to use them alongside each other. You can get rescue remedy in chewing gum form so not at all medication-like.

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