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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do I bite the bullet and put her on the Pill?

16 replies

Greyalready · 31/01/2020 11:10

DD is 15. She has been with her first boyfriend (16) a couple of months and things have moved a bit quicker than I (naively) thought. They haven't had sex but have talked about it.

I know she will do it anyway. But she is vulnerable at the moment (me and her dad split a few months back and he seems to have stepped out of the role as dad as well as husband, so she feels very rejected.) Her boyfriend seems to think a lot of her but can be manipulative and I worry she will sleep with him to 'keep' him, especially as she feels so rejected by her dad. We have had conversations about it - about the emotional side of things as well as birth control and condoms -and I have told her although I personally feel it's too early ultimately it is her body and her decision and no matter what she decides she can come to me and I won't judge her. She has asked about going on the Pill and although in theory I know it's sensible I worry I'm somehow giving her the 'green light' and saying it's ok to have sex with this boy, when I don't think she is in the right frame of mind emotionally. I've told her I'm happy to take her along for the Pill but not yet, but now I'm wondering whether I would be better off just doing it now. She has told me she won't let him push her into anything she doesn't want to do and I'm caught between wanting to trust her and wanting to protect her all at the same time Sad

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 31/01/2020 11:16

At 15, the choice is entirely hers and the GP/FP clinic will see it that way.

In your shoes I would encourage her to make an appointment to discuss contraception, drive her to the appointment and leave her to it.

I get what you're saying about the "green light" effect but, as you say, if she wants to, she will. Far better to be prepared than face an unwanted pregnancy. And worth exploring that the Pill isn't a barrier to STIs......

Ninkanink · 31/01/2020 11:18

Yes, I would facilitate that, definitely. But I would remind her that the pill only protects against pregnancy and she should still use barrier products to protect her health.

Original poster
Greyalready · 31/01/2020 11:20

Thank you...And yes, we've already discussed condoms and she knows that sex doesn't happen without them.

OP posts:
nocluewhattodoo · 31/01/2020 11:40

I would be pushing the angle that if he tries to have sex without a condom he doesn't truly respect or care about her. I know when I was that age boys saw girls being on the pill as a great way to pressure them into sex without a condom, that was my experience and that of my friends, so I would be cautious and make sure she understands the risks. I assured my DM I would be using condoms as well as the pill but it didn't take long for my boyfriend to decide unilaterally that 'we' didn't need condoms and stopped using them. I shudder at the risks I took now.

mcmen05 · 31/01/2020 12:52

@Greyalready yes I would take her now.
I had a similar conversation with my dd1 who is 16 her bf is 15 will be 16 march. They are only together since November and she said they are not at that stage yet. She was telling me about a girl in her school that is pregnant and why didn't she use protection. I have told not everything is 100%.
I used to make up stories to put them off that it could happen easier than it does like if a boy had been to toilet and got sperm on his hands that if she touched his hands and then she was at toilet she could get pregnant she fully believed this. wtf she is a bit naïve.

The problem I have she is on a waiting list as she has not had a proper period yet she has a small trickle once every 3 months for one day in the month and I'm afraid contracepetion would make this worse.
I don't mind her wanting to explore sex when they are both ready but to do it properly not out in a bush but she won't even bring the boy to our house but I have seen them together out of the car. and met him at mass by accident
I have also told her she can go to gp herself at 16 but she wants me with her. Im afraid they will take her off waiting list if she goes on something.

Can anyone give me any advice if this could affect her periods further she has been on wait list for 6 months. She wanted me to say it was for heavy period which she doesn't have. So im thinking she must be thinking on intercourse with this bf. I have told her it is a lovely experience with the right person in the right place. Not to do it with random boys outside.

ReallyLilyReally · 31/01/2020 14:17

@mcmen05 please stop telling your children lies like this, it sets them up to fail and will also 100% get them laughed out of town if they mention it to savvier friends. What wait list is she on? Can't the GP do anything?

Tbh, I'd take her to the GP and get them to discuss good contraception options with her - just because she isnt having regular periods doesn't mean she can't get pregnant.

If you don't want her having sex in the car or random places, are you letting her have him round? That would be a good first step i reckon.

mcmen05 · 31/01/2020 14:44

@ReallyLilyReally it was a joke I was having with them in the car one day I didn't think they even believed me to she brought it up on Tuesday.
Yes I have told her he is welcome around anytime same as all her friends but she said she not ready to have a bf around the house and he doesn't bring her to his either.
They go to cinema or go for food or out as a group of friends.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/01/2020 14:55

It's not really your role to 'put her on' anything and it's entirely her choice anyway. Encourage a GP appointment and they will go through her options and prescribe the appropriate contraception, if needed.

Mc please stop making jokes at your child's expense so you can laugh at their 'naivety'.

BarbedBloom · 31/01/2020 15:38

They will do it anyway if they want to, better to be protected and I would advise to use a condom as well. My mother refused to take me to the doctors to go on the pill as I was too young. I had already been having sex for six months by then. We had sex in the park or his car or round the back of the cinema once. You can tell teens till you're blue in the face not to have sex but there is a reason why abstinence based education ends up with pregnant girls. Put her on the pill, keep talking to her about consent and the emotional side of sex and keep the door open to further conversation.

A lot of teen sex happens in the spur of the moment and isn't planned so better for her to be equipped for that imo

Flossiefoo · 01/02/2020 01:57

She is under age , are you not concerned about the legality side of things regardless of any other concerns? Shock

Flossiefoo · 01/02/2020 01:58

Not criticising, just curious no one has mentioned this ...

TheHagOnTheHill · 01/02/2020 02:06

My DD went on the pill at 15 but not because she had a befriend but do she could skip periods during her GCSEs.Assuming your DD is yr 11 then if she is going to go on the pill start now as my DDS first ones didn't suit her and it took a while to find this out and settle on one that did work.

AnotherMonthAnotherName · 01/02/2020 02:09

She is under age , are you not concerned about the legality side of things regardless of any other concerns?

I doubt many parents would be thrilled at or encourage their underage children having sex. But if they are going to do it, they need to prevent long term consequences like STIs and pregnancy and to be able to talk to their parents about it. Otherwise (soon to be grand)parents will have a lot more to be concerned about than the legalities.

Weenurse · 01/02/2020 02:14

Also demonstrated how to put a condom on correctly using a banana as a penis😎
I am the embarrassing DM but mine know they can come to me.
I even sent DD1 to schoolies with 5 packets of condoms.
There were 12 sharing a house, there were going to be no sti or unplanned pregnancy that week!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 01/02/2020 12:49

I would be having a chat with the boyfriend to about her being underage and the consequences that could mean for him.

ReallyLilyReally · 01/02/2020 18:38

@Flossiefoo i think because its one of those laws that rarely gets reported, let alone prosecuted in cases like these. No police dep has the time, resources, energy or willingness to arrest a 15 and 16yr old for consensual sex that will be legal in 6 months

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