Help!!! DS making me ill with awful attitude

[Overseasmom100]

15 in 2 weeks only child...speaks to me awfully, disrespectful and rude.

Just now for instance...pre warned him I was going to bed at 10pm as we've all had a full on weekend. Gets to 9.45pm he asks me to make him some food ... I told him that as soon as he eats it to be quiet as Im going to bed and he needs to as well.

So he starts playing his guitar!!! Ive gone into his room and told him to get off he says he will in 10minutes. I say no I told you I was going to bed I need to sleep I have a full on week. He looks at me and carries on playing. Im now in floods of tears. Ive just td him he's making me ill with his disrespectfulness and darn right rudeness.

I just feel like walking out...I wont. But he's just so rude and I just dont know what to do.

Sorry just ranting...not sure what Im expecting the lovely Mumsnetters to do just looking to know perhaps Im not alone with having a grumpy teenager!!!

You poor thing. Is it just you two in your home?

No sorry DH is at work.
I think it just hurts me...I do everything for him. Im a good Mum but he makes me feel as if Im not because of the way he treats me. Maybe Im just feeling sorry for myselfc

He's 15 he can make his own food.
Unplug guitar and remove it from his room. You are the parent and he is the child. Don't give him an inch. He respects the rules or he suffers the consequences.

You have to ask yourself how much shit you can put up with. If he can't respect you, then you curtail how much you do for him. Teenagers are despicably selfish. You need to set boundaries for your own sanity that you are prepared to follow through with.

I agree tonight his behaviour just got to me. Im tired after a hectic sporting weekend for him mind you. You are so right they are selfish ... a few friends were chatting this weekend at how selfish and grumpy our boys are. From tomorrow it changes...unnecessary rudeness or bad behaviour results in consequences

This morning he was very polite. Car journey to school very quiet, hoping he realises he needs to change :(

Stop doing everything for him. He is15, he should be doing things for himself. He probably needs stricter boundaries.

Yes I think so.

Typical teen , my 13 year old dd is the same I try to be fair with her but at times she will see how far she can go . I don’t tolerate answering back & rudeness , as cousin boneless mentioned take the guitar put your foot down they know which buttons to push

Not ok.

But why do you make him food when he “orders” it? What is that about? Are generally quite subservient your him?

People do not respect other people for running around after them. Sadly. You’d get more respect if you show you have clear boundaries. And that your partner backs this up.

What would he have done if you would have got angry with him for keeping you up?

Do you have any consequences for him, like if you are rude to me you lose wifi or game time the next day?
I'm sorry he is rude. My daughter gets to be the same way.

I can really relate overseasmom100! Feeling so deflated this morning with my nearly 14 year old. Just gone in his room....omg his room, it looks like a tornado had been in there! His attitude towards me is shocking. Like you I feel like I am a good mum but he makes me feel awful. I am so upset this morning, he is a Air Cadet and wants to join up at 17 (he has had a passion for planes since he was 3) but we argue twice a week when he attends as he says it's boring and he dosen't want to do the boring stuff - just fly! We have had frequent chats that if he wants to do this, you have to do the boring stuff. I literally forced him to go last night....stomps, door slamming. It's so stressful and can't seem to get through to him. He has had me in tears before with his attitude.....I usually get "chill out mum" which drives me insane! I don't want him to throw away a fantastic opportunity that he will regret .

I feel like an awful Mum too. You’re right everything I do has been thought out for dd (11) but it never seems to be the right thing. I worry the next few years will bring

Why do you think you are an awful mum 479?

If, however, you are a good mum, I do believe a disrespectful and disappointing teenage son can seriously dent your self esteem and positive outlook on life.

BUT I realise its really best to not let it! If you have been a good mother, then its really not your fault. Sometimes its just nature, or sometimes a teenage phase, but try and enjoy your life as much as you can, and not let them pull you down.

Throw in (or try to) a few basic boundaries and after that disengage generally as necessary. In a couple of years time they will be well on the road to adulthood and they will have to take responsibility for their "challenging" behaviour.

This is my new "outlook" having been through loads of crap over the last 4 years btw... but now I realise there is only so much I can do, its not my fault, and soon it won't be my problem.

Chainchainchain It’s probably I never thought it would be this hard, I expected teenage drama, but not til I actually had a teenager!

Having a baby/toddler/pre-schooler seems a doddle now. Having a nearly teen who still wants all the kid stuff, but also wants independence while also wanting everything done for them is making my head hurt!

Reading all the comments on this thread has really helped, I’ve been silently dealing with this for ages thinking I’m messing up and failing as a mum, but I’ve opened up a bit now and I’m sure I’m not a bad mum & nor are any of us.

I feel your pain, DD is 16 and I’m really struggling