Teen son self harming

[Lanie77]

I've just noticed that my 15yo is cutting/scratching his arms and the backs of his legs. This seems to have evolved from his habit of picking the skin around his nails on hands and toes (to the point of bleeding).
This has blindsided me a little, and I don't know how to help him or the best way to deal with it.
He refuses to speak to me about it (he doesn't speak to me really anyway), so I have told him I'll talk to him in two weeks and see if there are fresh cuts. If there are, I will seek further help from school welfare or doctors.
Any advice appreciated

I think rather than giving him an ultimatum that will just encourage him to hide it better, I'd speak to the school now and see if they have any insight. The aim isn't just to get him to stop, it's to fix whatever is making him do it in the first place, so threats won't help.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't threatening him, but I wanted him to know that I had seen them and I was worried about him. I have given him time to process his thoughts, and he now knows that I am ready to support him. I didn't want to overwhelm him with questions or too much pressure, but at least he now knows that I am aware.

That's good, but i wouldn't wait for more cuts etc - reach out to the school and GP now. You'll gain nothing from waiting as the system moves so slowly.

It feels like an ultimatum even if you don't mean it too. I know it's hard but you have to try and be neutral about this. Emotion is the enemy when talking to a self harmer. Tell him that you don't understand why he's doing it and you're happy to talk to him about why if he wants, but in the mean time you do understand that what he's doing is helping him cope. You're not asking him to stop but you are asking that he looks after his cuts. Buy him the materials to do so. Tell him you care about him and you don't want him to get an infection. Also tell him that it's incredibly common and he doesn't need to be ashamed or embarrassed. My daughter has been self harming for a few years now, and I work with kids who self harm so I do have some experience of this sadly. Also, There are other options that may help: pinging an elastic band that's worn on the wrist, using an ice cube to numb the area, drawing red lines in pen or decorating the area he cuts instead with henna or pen. Don't push him but do ask him if he's suicidal or has considered it. If so then go straight to your GP and they will give you an urgent CAMHS referral. The school can't help with that. I send many, many hugs OP. I've walked this path and it's hell for you both.