Bulimia?

[CallistoSol]

Hi all, I've been around on MN since my 14yo daughter was a baby so I remember mouldies etc. I haven't posted for a long time but i'm not a troll.

Now that's out of the way I need some advice on bulimia and how to handle it.

The background is as follows - my daughter attends a very good all girls grammar, her father and I are no longer together but amicable. We split 4 years ago this month, both now have long-term partners. DD's father and his girlfriend (an old family friend who I also get on very well with) have just bought a house close by, having lived together for the last year. My partner has his own house about 40mins away and stays most weekends. DD and I didn't have to leave the family home when ex and I split, and she has lived here since she was born. No step children so DD has the best of both worlds.

Outwardly DD is bright, happy, clever, hard working and settled. She can be sassy and moody but generally very easy going and has seemed to transition very easily through ex and my break up and the subsequent partners etc. School is going well and she is doing well, good predicted grades, has a nice group of friends as far as I can tell.

My worry is that there are things going on that I really had no inkling about up until a couple of weeks ago. There was evidence of vomiting in the loo one evening, when confronted she just told me that she was feeling ill and was sick (she's always suffered with a weak stomach). I said at the time we needed to talk about it, but it was bedtime, we were tired and so l let it go. I haven't talked to her about it yet, mainly because I don't want to make anything worse (I'm horribly untactful at times, which I hate but struggle to change) and I guess I'm scared that she is putting up a front and that things are awful for her.

Since that first time there hasn't been anything I can put my finger on, apart from using outrageous amounts of loo roll and locking herself in the bathroom for hours on end. But then tonight I went to the loo just after her and I think I could smell vomit. I'm really frightened tbh. Being a teenaged girl is a pretty shite deal in this day and age and I would do anything to make things better for her. Please help.

I would honestly try to speak to her about it. Make sure you're not too aggressive (for lack of a better word!) or confrontational. Just sit her down, gently talk to her and try to get an answer, and be supportive and kind of whatever she says. I would also look more into the warning signs and symptoms of bulimia and try to see if they match up with your daughters behaviour.

If there is vomiting then there will be bingeing. Speaking from experience, it is the bingeing that needs to be tackled - without the binge, there is no need for the purge (vomiting).

So firstly, identify the how/when the bingeing occurs. Is food going missing? Is she restricting her diet then bingeing in private? Does she have access to money to spend on binge food?

I would start with a focus on a healthy diet and lifestyle. Prepare meals for her (I know as they become teenagers, children can make themselves meals. But try to stay involved in preparing every meal with her or for her) and eat together. Adjust portions so that she will eat it all but not find it difficult to clear her plate. Eat at the table and be consistent with her Dad's household.

Also talk about wholesome ways to be "healthy" (as opposed to slim). It's natural for young teens to become body conscious so I'm all for acknowledging that her looks are important to her. But keep the talk on health/fitness rather than diet and weight. See if she'd like to take up new sports, maybe take up a sport with her. Keep a healthy diet without being restrictive or having forbidden foods.

If it's any consolation, unfortunately eating disorders can be quite trendy (not the right word, but can't think of the right word) to teens and I've seen it become an epidemic in year groups or friendship groups. Thankfully for many it is not as serious as long term suffers and can be a short lived blip for many. So while it's a serious issue that could progress, she is more likely to move on from this quickly and easily.

Have a read of this on a mighty girl as it suggests some books that you both might find useful.

abc might be useful too.

Have you managed to speak to her yet?