How do you maintain a marriage with teenagers in the house?!

[Fern1965]

We just find we have next to no time to ourselves. Added to the other end of the spectrum that we have a younger child as well (large age gap) and they go to bed early, they’re up later - the little one wakes early, they sleep late. So we’re rarely alone at either end of the day!

How do you preserve time for your marriage? I think it’s becoming an issue now tbh - we’re struggling a bit.

If you mean any kind physical intimacy, you have to learn to be very very quiet....

Are the teens able to babysit the younger one?

Yes, not just that aspect - but even spending time together. I wonder if we should impose some kind of time for the teens to be upstairs in the evenings? But then we’re a family and I’m definitely happier that they want to be around us rather than in their rooms all the time.

Yes they can babysit for the youngest. And they do on occasion, we should make more use of this I think. Happy to pay them so I can’t see them saying no...

Time together isn't difficult, as the teens are generally in a different room. Time without them in the next room is much trickier

We ought to make more of the leaving the youngest with his brothers. But as for the other, yeah. Very offputting!

The teens tend to be in their rooms or are out of an evening so we watch our own TV etc
They are up late in the mornings!
I’ve lost my libido somewhere but can’t blame the kids...

Teens generally in other rooms so usually get the tv to ourselves in the living room. But it’s tricky to get intimate time as DD generally goes to bed later than us these days. And she also has really irritating habit of just coming in to our bedroom whenever she feels like it!!

I think it's a case of grabbing opportunities where you can! So for example if I see DH having a cuppa at the kitchen table on his own, I'll sit down and join him for a chat (even if I'm in the middle of something else). Things like that. As you say, I'm basically happy that ours like spending time downstairs rather than in their rooms the whole time.

You encourage your teen to get a part time job and have lots of sleepovers at their friends house!

Go out, come back when they're all asleep. Be quiet.

The tricky bit is the mix of ages, if it was just teens you would be at the point of getting more time together as you could pop out for a few hours at the weekend without them. Are the ages and maturity such that you could leave the teens with the younger child so you could go out for a walk or a pub brunch or go bowing or whatever interests you as a couple?

My teens have their headphones in kost of the time and their eyes on their phones, I like it when they come and join us.
they have no concept that our room is our space though whereas if we dare to walk into their rooms without an invitation then it's 🌋🌋 ⚡🔥☄⚡
How old are they? Could you leave them at home and go out for a meal/walk/cinema with DH?

Two options spring to mind.

1. Set up a teenage den with their own (age appropriate) TV channels or game system. That allows you to gently kick them out once a week for some couples time
2. Babysitter for the youngest and bribery for the older two. If you can combine it, all the better.

Sorry just realised you have a younger child as well.
Can the teens babysit?

Lock for your bedroom door

We put a lock on our door

Have one evening on a regular basis – once a week, once a month, whatever feels manageable – where you've agreed with the whole family that you get 'Mum and Dad's Quality Time'.

Maybe that means a regular date night, maybe it means an hour where the living room is yours and yours alone to hang out, whatever suits you best.

Absolutely make the most of your teens wanting to be around you as much as possible, AND there's a lot to be said for modeling what a healthy relationship looks like in practice, like prioritising what the two of you have between you as well as with the family as a whole.

@OddBoots going bowing. Not seen that since regency times! 😂

@Frenchw1fe Ooops Bowling, I mean. :)

It could have been worse, I could have suggested 'ice scating' as I once saw written elsewhere.