Teens and social media

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

My dd is almost 14yo and do far I've told her she can't have any social media. She didn't seem particularly bothered about it tbh but recently has been asking again. She wants Tiktok, Instagram, fb etc

At what age have other parents allowed social media, which forms have you allowed and what safety advice did you give?

14 seems a bit like overkill to me, she should be able to cope with it at that age and denying her would risk isolating her from her peers, imo.

I would say go ahead, but that you want to have her passwords just in case. In my family we also get someone to follow/friend/connect with the kid on social media, an older cousin or cool aunt or something similar, to keep an eye on any activity

14 is fine here but I get to follow them. Be aware they may get a Finsta (as in a second Insta account that they keep secret from their annoying parents) too, and that is the one they may share stuff you probably would rather they didn’t.

Be prepared to get pulled into TikTok though. It’s very addictive!

Mainly only after 16yo. At 14yo some social could be allowed but only if you can supervise it with a parental control app, not only to check if everything is good (posts, photo, what they do and share there, messages and chat) but to limit the screen time too. These social promote phone addiction, numbers of likes and views become their life's goal, so limiting screen time to 1hour a day is essential. Better if you put this limit now before allowing any social, later could be a big struggle. I use Google Family Link to limit time and avoid new apps installation without parent's approval, it works well and it's totally free (for android, for iphone use Apple Family sharing). To check the social app you can install it on your device or on its website entering with their profile (and you or even only you should know their password).

Thanks, it seems a mine field really! I already put limits on screen time.

I've said no to Snapchat as just think it's too open to abuse.

Girlie I think most kids have some sort of social media by 14 but you must have rules and the key ones in our house are that parents can look at the phone at any time and phones are never in bedrooms. But yes Snapchat is far too open to abuse - which unfortunately we learned the hard way. Although direct messaging by photo on Instagram comes a close second but at least there you can see that they have been sent.

I've said she can have fb when she turns 14 (in a couple of weeks) I think I'll also let her have a tiktok account, she already watches videos on tiktok but hasn't set up an account.

I'm not sure about Instagram...

We've had some issues with sneakiness on the phone so am hoping if she has some SM she won't feel the need to try and set things up without telling me.

My dd is 13 and she has instragram , tic-toc & snap chat , I didn’t allow her to have them for a long time but felt I wasn’t been fair as all her peers had them & she felt left out
I do have the passwords & do random checks to ensure there’s nothing inappropriate

Steer clear of Yalo i believe it’s part of the snap chat app but it allows users to send anon messages to people , a few of my dds friends had a lot of horrible remarks sent to them on this app

Why Facebook over Instagram? As far as I’m aware teens don’t really do Facebook (it’s for old people apparently and not cool) so she may well find she isn’t able to connect with her friends on there. DD (almost 14) has Instagram on the strict proviso that I follow her and see what she posts. I am also logged in to her Instagram account on an old device so I can access everything and I check sporadically.

Another of the anonymous message apps is Tellonym. What the youngsters do is put a link to their account in their Instagram bio’s and Snapchat stories and then people can leave anonymous messages. All highly dubious. I told DD that it encourages people to leave nasty messages and it’s actually really needy and you shouldn’t be seeking validation from anonymous people on social media.

Also goes without saying but make sure all accounts are set to private and that snap maps are set to ghost mode in Snapchat.

DD - thirteen - uses WhatsApp mostly. We took her off Instagram a year or so ago, for a whole heap of reasons, including needy older girls pressuring the younger ones for likes and follows on endless pouty photos, but also because it can send them down 'rabbit holes' of oddness if they start following people and accounts they don't know. (this from experience).

She is going to get Tik Tok and Twitter, but all of this is done with Qustodio on her phone so I can see her web history and if she downloads apps.

She knows never to message someone she doesn't know nor add them as friends, and to report anything dodgy before she gets sucked into it.

My daughter is 15 and only has 1 friend at school.she has no one to hang out with on weekends and holidays.we have tried to get her to join clubs in or out of school,she won't.she does seem happy enough but my partner is pushing her he's very frustrated with her hanging about the house,he keeps on at her now her phones been taken off her for a month to try and force her to meet people,u want to leave her alone and let her find her way.i can't stand this tension what do I do,my partner isn't the type of person you can compromise with

Alfie2020 - why is he doing this? has he not thought maybe she’s not a sociable child and she might like her own company. I really feel for your daughter, she hasn’t got friends and now her only form of communication has been taken away from her as well 😥 . Is she doing any activities? or your partner thinks she can walk down the road and make friends? If she’s happy just let her be. What do you mean you can’t compromise with? is he her father? why don’t you stand up for your daughter?

Good God this all sounds horrendous. OP. And the pp with a dd with only one friend and a difficult partner!

Why are you so over-protective? So over-cautious?
What do you think is going to happen here?

My Ds1 has had hours of fun on his phone throughout secondary. Never ever ever a problem.

No to WhatsApp? My Ds2 who is in year 6, has 3 WhatsApp groups: one for his football team, one for his year 6 group chat, one for the boys that play x box.

I read the chats very occasionally. Nothing but niceness. Laughing about the latest Liverpool van Dijk goal, or Ronaldo and his football step overs and tricks.

Why Do you negatively assume there is bound to be problems?

DS2 has never had anything but niceness on any of his chats - why do you not at least give it a chance?