DD is 18 this year and we have always had a difficult relationship.
She is very similar in some personality ways to her DF who I left for being abusive to me when she was 5yo. I have a slightly younger child who is completely different to them both and our RS is fine. My ex was highly critical of me all the time and I became very ground down by it. I did try to defend myself but this meant the DC had to hear rows and I didn’t want that
I feel sad that I am glad when she is out, so that I don’t have to listen to the things she says. I very much love her and I am always supportive. Her DF doesn’t do much for her in practical terms but she never ever treats him the way she treats me. I clearly irritate her immensely the same way I did him and I am very sad about that
She is very controlling and bossy. If she is closer to the door than me and I ask her to let ddog out, she will launch into a tirade about how she’s too busy, with lots of things to do and I am just sitting on my lazy arse. If asked to do anything she will demand her sibling is asked instead and cause a row. It is of course then easier to just never ask her to do anything (which is what she wants) but then I do not really want to make small talk with her when she is feeling in the mood to do so (all on her terms) because she’s just said something horrible
If I am ill she is even more horrible to me. She also is very anxious and is always making out like I am highly irresponsible person who is a danger - i once forgot to lock a door, or lost my keys so now she will bring this up daily as an example of how I cannot be trusted. I am sure this is her DF influence that somehow I am just the worst human ever, but seems it was ok for him to leave his DC with me to bring up alone so I can’t be that bad.
I am at the point where I can’t take much more of it. If I talk to her she may make the effort for a few days but then it goes back to how it was. I wanted to try to make the most of this time before she leaves home as an adult but she acts like she is very very unhappy living with me, and really dislikes me. When I ask if she wants to go live with DF she does not want to.
Can anyone give advice how to get through this horrible phase. I go to bed feeling like a deflated balloon every night
I should add when she was on holiday recently without me she sent very loving nice texts to me, so I think she does love me. She just doesn’t respect me and I’m very sad about it. I can’t punish her anymore at her age, as she has her own money and is quite independent. And I am NOT going to throw her out
Thanks