Relationship advise for my daughter who has anxiety

[Greeny123]

Hi guys, this is the first time I’ve posted on here and could do with you shooting some advise my way please 😀 my daughter is 17 and has suffered with anxiety since she was 12! we share a really close relationship, she comes to me with all of her worries and problems which I’m really pleased about. She’s just started a relationship with a lovely boy (her first proper boyfriend) who she really likes, tonight she came to me with worries about kissing and sex, and has said she’s really got no interest in them at all, she said she’s not scared of doing them as she’s googled EVERYTHING 🤣 but there’s just no interest, she said when they were kissing she really wasn’t enjoying it and didn’t really want to carry on, which I know is absolutely fine. I think she’s got herself a bit worked up about it and made herself anxious over it.
The advise I gave her was to take things a step at a time, that there’s certainly no rush, and as time goes on her mind might change.
Did I do right?? Is there any other advise I could give her? Sometimes I think that because she’s seen so many councillors over the years that she thinks there’s something wrong with her (if you know what I mean) and it’s not normal to feel this way!
Is there anything else I could probably say to make her feel more at ease? Sometimes it’s hard to know you’re saying the right things, any help is much appreciated 😀

Sarah x

There's nothing wrong with your daughter, she is still only twelve. Plenty of girls a couple of years older than her would say the same. It all starts in the mind after all.

You said all the right things; let her be friends with this boy, hold hands, do some interesting things with him (not that!), enjoy his company.

Hi, she’s 17 not 12 🙈but thanks for the advice

Do you think she could be asexual?

She’s mentioned this, but if I’m honest I’m not 100% sure what it means

My daughter is also 17 and has just been diagnosed with GAD. She's the opposite to your daughter in that, if anything, she's had too many boyfriends, who over the last couple of years have helped contribute to her anxiety levels and stress. On the surface she appears confident but she really struggles. She is doing an online course and the GP has also spoken to her about CBT. She has a new boyfriend who she has been seeing for the last 3 months who seems lovely, but at one point she was expecting and even preparing for the worse. She explained it was like as soon as things started to get good she was looking for everything to go wrong as it had before. She was preoccupied with negative thoughts.

I think you did fine with your daughter. She just needs to try to take it as it comes - if she doesn't feel anything particularly strongly than that's fine too. It's all a learning curve and she just needs to control her worries more. I hope she can work through it. Has she friends she can go out with and have fun, go to cinena with etc?
She has all the time in the world for relationships and it's cool to not feel ready.

It’s so hard to know if you’re saying the right things sometimes isn’t it? Yes she’s got lots of friends she goes out with, and I’m sure she talks to them too, at the moment she’s being treated for PMDD which really explains her anxiety and sometimes depression symptoms, I think the feelings (or non feelings) she has could be linked? Tho it’s all new to me and her.

Hopefully she will just take things day by day, I think she’s worried that she’ll feel this way with the whole relationship, and her boyfriend will hold it against her and finish the relationship 😏 I hope not.

Also.. CBT really helped my daughter with her anxiety 😀

I'm going to take a guess that she doesn't like him quite as much as she thinks she does, or wishes she did. She likes the idea of a boyfriend and is enjoying the attention but something is missing that she can't quite put her finger on. She's just not that into him. Maybe he's a lovely boy and a great friend but the chemistry just isn't there.

Either that or it's her way of trying to articulate that she thinks she might be gay.

Sorry... I’ve changed my username if it’s confused anyone .. I’m new at this lol x

This is definitely a possibility... at the age of 14 she said she could be bisexual, which I have absolutely no problem with..! She’s also mentioned being pan sexual too..
I definitely think she’s still trying to figure out who she is regarding sexual preferences, and I suppose she’s going to struggle on her journey doing it.