15 yo DD and nightclub episode

[KathyWilliams]

DD is 15 (Yr 11, but summer born so is the youngest of her friendship group).

Last night she said she was going to have a sleepover at her best friend's house for NYE. I knew that this was likely to involve drinks, because this has happened before, and she and her best friend both have older brothers so generally get to do more than their friends who are PFBs.

When she reappeared today, she told me they had been into town at midnight to see in the New Year (there's a place they all congregate), and had then been clubbing (there was also an episode involving Macdonalds and vodka, so it would seem).

She says it was the best night of her entire life. There were obviously lots of people around whom she knows (smallish place), so she wasn't trolling around a great big city with strangers. Apparently a boy from Yr 13 walked them home afterwards.

I am not sure what to think, and have just listened and digested while she has spent the past three hours burbling about the best night of her life. I have always hated clubbing, parties, etc (never went to nightclubs) - I was a reserved and bookish teenager. DD is completely different, and I don't want to punish her for wanting to try stuff that loads of other teenagers want to try - but I'm not entirely happy all the same. She also looks far older than 15, though I suspect the bouncers were being lax with it being NYE.

Opinions?

It's great that she's telling you and not hiding it (which I would have done!)

Maybe take the opportunity to open the conversation and lay down some ground rules for the future about knowing in advance where she'll be, sticking with people she knows and what her plan is for getting home.

She sounds fairly sensible tbh and I don't think there's much you can do, really, without alienating her or making her just not tell you stuff. I went to my first nightclub at 15 (armed with my fake ID) and my mum picked me up! It was a one-off and I didn't go again for at least a year, maybe 18 months, but the fact she didn't try to stop me but just made sure I was as safe as possible still sticks me with now. If she had come down on me like a ton of bricks about it, chances are I would have just ended up going anyway or at some other point without telling her. But she was there outside at 2am to give me and my friends a lift and I bloody love her for it.

I think you should be pleased you have a relationship where she can talk to you about things and doesn't have to hide them. Maybe just remind her about some safety things and ask her to let you know where she is. As I said above, I went once at 15 and then the opportunity never really presented itself again for quite a while, so she might live off this experience for some time without going again.

Thanks, both. You both say what I'm inclined to think. DD can be an absolute madam, and spends half her time hating me. One of her gripes is that I "don't give her any freedom" . But, as you say, it is good that she doesn't feel she has to lie. My feeling with her generally is that she will do it even if I tell her she can't, so that being the case, I need to make sure she is as safe as she can be.

Her brother wasn't like this. He is 18 and still doesn't bother with clubs etc. So this is a new one for me...

Does she have fake ID? I’d be amazed if she actually got into a club on NYE, security is usually tighter than ever.

I suspect the bouncers were being lax with it being NYE. No that really is not how it works, security is tighter, they can lose their licenses and face huge fines, it really isn’t worth letting 15 year olds in. (It isn’t like the 90s, where they always turned a blind eye) I suspect they hung around town, couldn’t get in anywhere so went home, but it is more exciting to make something up.

I think you should be pleased you have a relationship where she can talk to you about things and doesn't have to hide them.

I would be more pleased if my 15 year old let me know in advance their NYE sleepover at a friends with a drink was going to change to hanging about drinking in town, going clubbing very underage and meeting up with an older boy. I would also be pissed off the friends parent let children out on NYE without letting me know if was happening.

She is only 15 and very vulnerable in that environment.

Wouldn't bother me at all, dc have/ had similar freedom.

Unless they both had great fake id, my guess would be they went in a bar or restaurant with a dance floor that was already open to families, rather than a standard club letting them in.

Sorry - just catching up.

The thread is a bit divided in the way that I am too!

It was definitely a club (I know which one). DD has shown me some videos, and I know most of the people in them - though they are mostly Yr 12/13 plus some university age siblings/friends. She says she has fake ID courtesy of her older brother (who went back to his friend's house when everyone else went clubbing, as he doesn't like clubs). I've never seen it, though!

I have had a further conversation with her about needing to know where she is. She said she knew I would be asleep by then, so didn't see the point in ringing me. I also pointed out that while it was all fine, as it happens, there are all kinds of scenarios where it wouldn't have been fine... Needless to say, she's a live-for-the-moment impetuous teenager, and it never occurs to her that something could go wrong.

She was the same as a toddler (was always throwing herself off climbing frames, into swimming pools etc - she had to be watched like a hawk!)

15 is too young for this ….. mine had fake ID at 17 and was getting into pubs/clubs but 17 seems very different to 15. I would worry she's young and vulnerable and could get herself into situations she's not able to deal with - particularly as you say she looks older.

She had fake ID on her? The clubbing was premeditated. She is telling big fat porkies fibbing to you.

I would not be happy with this at all, your 15 year old vulnerable child was out drinking in an adult environment on NYE, a peak time for adults over indulging and trouble. If she had asked would you have given permission? ds(15) would know that permission would not have been given.

I would also be very pissed off with her older brother providing a 15 year old child with fake ID to get into an over 18 venue and then leaving them alone to go clubbing.