Mediating between DD and DH

[vilamoura2003]

Does anyone else feel like a mediator/peacekeeper between DD and DH 🤷‍♀️

DD is 15 and an only child, she isn't spoilt, if anything I would say we are quite strict, but lately she is being a typical teenager, a little selfish, thinking of herself, stroppy, hormonal etc. But I constantly feel like I have to mediate between her and DH. DH seems to wind her up (sometimes he is joking, sometimes he is just nit picking, nagging etc), and she rises to it, acts stroppy. I feel like I sigh a lot and roll my eyes constantly 🙄

Please tell me they will both come out of this the other side and be best pals 🤔😂 I'm 42 and am having fleeting panics about the fact that our family is so small (why did we only have one child etc.), I just want a happy life where we are great pals when she's older 🙏🏻

I know how you feel but have 3 kids.
My eldest definitely gets hard time from her dad . She has a part time job and studying for GCSE.
When he was dropping her to work he said she needs to contribute to petrol from her job and her bf needs to pay petrol for us bring her to town to see him.
I just had to laugh because he hasn't worked for 14 years so doesn't contribute anything financially himself but constantly having a rant at dd1 and dd2 is just his golden child.
Dd1 does not ask for any money to go out since she started to work like she only gets about 30 a week.
She uses this for school lunch and a takeaway when out with bf couple nights a week. And for phone credit.

Yes - this is me and it's exhausting! DD can be very challenging at times (typical hormonal/teenage stuff) and DH either winds her up or loses his temper with her. I told him that although I recognise that DD's attitude can be appalling at times, he is the adult and needs to roll model good behaviour, especially as he's the man who is supposed to love her most in the world. I asked him how he'd feel if a future boyfriend spoke to DD the way he speaks to her sometimes, and that really made him think about his behaviour!

So your husband says things designed to wind her up, and she gets wound up? Presumably if she responds in kind she gets in trouble as she is a child. Have a chat with your husband telling him he to reign it in. Have a chat with your daughter giving her appropriate strategies to deal with an authority figure being an arse. He probably won't be the last she has to deal with, so it's a good skill to have. Won't endear your DH to her though!

I had this with DH and DS1. I pointed out to DH (many times before it sank in) that DS1 was talking to him exactly like he was speaking to DS1, so if he didn't like his attitude (tone) then he should try changing his own.

I've realised over these holidays that it seems to have worked and we've had no arguments, thank goodness.

From another viewpoint - I was the teenage DD and my dad drove me mad! 😂 he's always been a wind up (still is!) and for a few years in my mid teens I HATED it. I'm not proud to say I handled situations badly and I must've been awful to live with, especially being the eldest of three. I know my dad would get upset about it privately and it always made me feel awful but hormones and teenage strops would always get the better of me.
Fast forward to now; my dad is definitely a friend! He has just walked me down the aisle this year and I love him so much. I wish I could take back all those years of angst and hatred but I can't and we both are able to laugh about it now. Whilst he was a complete wind up and hasn't changed, I've changed and can see that he only ever wanted the best for me and I was a brat!! It's normal. My sister is 16 and similar to I was then (fortunately not as bad as I was!) but we all know it will pass again. Give it time

Thank you so much for your replies 🙏🏻

I think 75% of the time she is being a stroppy teenager and a bit of a selfish madam and then this winds him up and they start bickering - it's like having 2 kids 😳

I think the crux of it is, she is just a mini version of him, so they are at loggerheads because they are so similar.

I just want us all to spend time together nicely without the grief 🙄