16 / 17 year olds and boyfriends / girlfriends- help!

[Fairylea]

What do other parents do / think in these situations?

We have a 16 year old dd. She has just started to date a 17 year old boy from her sixth form. They’ve been going out on lunch dates to the nearest town, hanging out in costa that sort of thing. All normal and good..

What happens as / if it progresses to a boyfriend and girlfriend stage in terms of them coming here / going to his.... I’m not talking staying over as we wouldn’t be happy with that. But I mean would you let them be upstairs together? What sort of parent would you be when it comes to these things? Relaxed and laid back - oh sure he can come round (like a female friend type thing) and hope they don’t have sex in your house.. or would you be god no he can’t come over unless he stays downstairs in the kitchen / living room where everyone is about?

I know legally they can have sex. It’s not about that. It’s about what is comfortable as a parent and not enabling the relationship to progress too quickly / too much etc.

Dh and I disagree over things - he is more “he’s never coming in her room” and I am more relaxed as I want her to feel it’s her home too....!

Tell me what you do. How you feel about it all. We are a bit lost!!

I would let them stay personally if they are an established partner. I remember being that age and having sex in the park or alleyways as we couldn't stay at each others houses. I would rather my children be safe and experiment with sex in a comfortable place. For me banning boyfriends or girlfriends from rooms doesn't stop sex happening, it just means teenagers taking more risks to have it.

They’re 16 and 17, where else are they gonna shag?

That's not the OP's problem, is it? We don't need to facilitate our teenagers' sex lives.

I wouldn't encourage the relationship to deepen, tbh- she has a lot of important studying to do over the next year or so.

I have a 15yo dd with a 16yo friend/ boyfriend, whatever they call it nowadays .. he lives a distance away but at the same school. We went through this last summer setting a boundary of staying downstairs. It didn't go down well but that was our rule ! They are in the same year at the same school and see a lot of each other daily but also occasionally meet in town for an afternoon etc. With mocks and GCSE's, dd has been uber focussed on these and seems happy with current arrangement - they talk and communicate on social media all through the day anyway. If things ramp up a little after final exams, our rule will still stand.I was never allowed my boyfriend upstairs and I respected that, never caused us an issue - we were together all through our teenage years too. We're all different as parents and I guess what I am trying to say is, you do what your comfortable with allowing and not allowing. Don't feel guilty about having rules in your house.