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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teens attending family do’s

13 replies

AlexandraGore · 22/12/2019 22:03

My teen is so selfish- always does what he wants when he wants. We’ve got a few family get together over the next few days and he acting like I’m asking him to go and jump in a freezing cold river or something.

I suggested that maybe if he can’t be bothered to be friendly and make an effort then he shouldn’t expect these members of the family to buy him a Christmas present, but he just shrugged as if he doesn’t care.

Does anyone else’s teen act like it’s outrageous to suggest going to meet up with family?

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 22/12/2019 22:06

Yup. You're not alone. I insist on attendance and putting phone away. We don't see relatives often.... Some of it is confidence and they do improve once we get there...

QuickstepQueen · 23/12/2019 19:40

We don't insist they meet up with family, mostly they want to but they tend to prioritise their school work and I get that - this xmas they have prioritised meet up with friends. Don't like the idea of dcs only seeing relatives only to get a gift - that's not what I want them to do at all!

LynetteScavo · 23/12/2019 20:56

There are enough hours in the year to do school work and see relatives.

DS 2 missed relatives this week because he has aviary time job.

DS1 is now an adult and we give home the option of seeing relatives because he's on the autistic spectrum and can get overwhelmed if he has to see too many people in one week, so he'll see how he goes. 14yo DD doesn't get a choice. She can do her school work after she's seen a.

QuickstepQueen · 23/12/2019 21:30

When I say school work - I mean exams, I am never standing in the way of revision, they need down time and if relatives aren't considered down time I am not insisting upon it!

RedskyAtnight · 24/12/2019 10:58

I think it depends.
You mention "a few" - how many and how long and how much fun are these for the teens (are they just expected to turn up and be seen and then sit around bored?)

We've explained to our teens that an element of politeness is required but we appreciate these events are dull for them so we
a) minimise the number and length
b) tacitly agree that (for example) it's ok for DC to go on their phones if they've joined in and made polite conversation for an hour or two

Roselilly36 · 24/12/2019 11:02

Totally normal teen behaviour, I know exactly how you feel, my two teens are exactly the same, just part of growing up. I can remember being the same!

BarefootHippieChick · 24/12/2019 11:12

I suppose it depends. We don't have a big family so my teens are happy to see them when we get chance. However, if it's a constant round of visiting different relatives every day then I could understand teen would be bored and perhaps rather sleep, see friends or just chill out.

Stressedout81 · 26/12/2019 19:19

My 16 year old son refuses to go anywhere unless there's something in it for him- money or a meal out. I am afraid I have no advice but I'm told it's normal for them to refuse to spend time with their parents and later accuse you of not making an effort with them! Please hang in there and know that this isn't your fault!

MyMessyHouse · 27/12/2019 10:57

Mine is the same, it's quite normal i think at this age.
Although it really pissed me off at a relatives house yesterday when my SIL said, 'mine wouldn't have a choice, they'd have to come'
She was so smug and hasn't a clue as her children are under 10.

Try forcing a 5ft10, strapping lad into a car!

reluctantbrit · 27/12/2019 10:58

My cousin and I always attended family dos and have a good relationship with our aunts and uncles now. It helped that we are the same age so it wasn’t too boring as we could just chat.

Two other cousins were always left at home, result is that nobody of us really cares about them. They weren’t that much older than us so it wasn’t that they were on their own (and they are only 11 months apart as well).

So, tell your teen to get his act together and go.

corythatwas · 29/12/2019 12:20

We have insisted on a certain level of attendance. Not always, accepting that sometimes they have other plans, but that some things are important. It helps if they are aware that you sometimes put yourself out for them- without too much guilt-tripping or rubbing it in their faces. When dad has got out in the small hours to pick up one of their drunken friends and taken them home safely without a word of disapproval, then it doesn't seem totally unfair that they should make an effort to visit grandma in the nursing home or help entertain a younger cousin once in a while. As long as they know that I will help to negotiate with grandma when they have something on that is really important to them.

user1487194234 · 01/01/2020 10:00

My DC will come to family events if they possibly can
We don't have to force them,it's just the way they have been brought up

ExpletiveDelighted · 01/01/2020 10:08

Mine will come, but we try and space them out, not stay too long, do something specific (eg playing board games or doing quizzes, not just chatting).

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