How late would you happily let a 16 year old girl (or boy) catch a bus home from a train station?

[Wills]

I'm curious because I wonder if I'm being overly cautious. My daughter, whilst very sensible is not particularly street savvy. However she has a lovely group of friends and often goes out to a bigger city 20 minutes train ride away. At the moment anything after 9.30 at night starts to make me uncomfortable especially as the station is in the middle of a quiet suburban area rather than centre of town.

Before now I would always have advised others to go with their gut feelings as they know their child best, but I'm finding more and more that I end up giving her friends a lift home too. Their expectations are that they will catch the bus which indicates to me that I'm being OTT.

During the lighter months I know that I would let this drift a little later so am I being overly cautious. She's a great kid (50% of the time ) and always offers to get the bus. Am I making a rod for my own back especially as I end up leaving the 10 year old, asleep, but with the 13 year old who is also on the autism spectrum (but next to a phone etc). Would/Do you collect your child or am I being overly worried? What is the latest you would be happy for a 16year old to wait outside a train station in the middle of suburbia for a bus that might come every 20-30 minutes??

Not that long.

Depends on the suburbia really

DS would get buses across the city regularly before he passed his driving test. I would have been happy with him coming home on the last bus (22:45) or walking - he isn't massively streetwise but is very sensible. I preferred him getting a cab if it was after midnight and DH couldn't pick him up.

She is catching bus by her self coz all her friends have scarpered to their own homes in other directions, right?

And how long does it take you to nip out & get her (round trip)?

I wouldn’t be happy at all for a 16yo girl or boy to be waiting in the dark at the bus stop in a fairly deserted area.

@YeOldeTrout, yes and just to her and back 15 to 20 mins, but with dropping others 30 - 40.

How long does it take to walk from the station back home? And is it down well lit roads with pavements?

We were trusted to get ourselves home, but it was only a 20-30 minute walk depending on whether we rushed or not.

If she/he was alone the I’d probably pick them up after 9 o clock in the darker months. If they were with friends then I’d happily let them catch the last bus.

So, is she with her friends?

She wouldn’t have been with friends and the walk is approx 3 miles but again many quiet Suburban streets

And v hilly!

They got to the station together but would have caught different buses

I'm confused. Is it a bus or a 3 mile walk? Walk no, not in the dark.

Bus, probably, depends on how long the walk from the bus stop to you

I've got a 16 year old who would happily walk home late from the train station. He went to the city centre last week and was going to come had 10pm by train. Being the worrier I am I put a taxi app on his phone . I'd have happily picked him up but apparently that was unthinkable.

She would bus home as I wouldn’t want her walking the oft unlit streets

But then 5 minute walk from bus stop

I used to get the 50 minute bus home any time up until 11.30 aged 16 in 2011. I had a job and went to sixth form 1.5 hours away

In and around a town, 10. In and around a city, 9.

Just trying to picture the situation OP, apologies if I've misunderstood. Which train station are you talking about when you say it's a bit remote, the "local" one or the "bigger city one"? Assuming the local one, I'm assuming DD gets on the train for the 20 minute train journey back to the "local" station, then has up to a 30 minute wait for the bus (which stops at the quiet train station?) The bus takes her 3 miles and drops her off 5 mins walk from home. Is this correct?

How accurate are the bus timetables? Is it possible to synchronise her journeys a bit to minimise time waiting for the bus? And is there a reason she can't book a taxi to get home?

I definitely don't think you should be leaving the other children home alone for up to 40 mins while doing the mum taxi thing. Have you spoken to the other parents to see what they think?

I'ld collect her but not be a taxi to others as you need to get back to your other kids.

Why do you have to drop others if she is only one getting bus? I guess 930 would be fine, not 1030 on a school night, not 1130 on other nights for an under 17.

This is a tricky one. dd works in a restaurant down the road, sometimes finishes there 9pm and walks to her boyfriends. He is a ten min walk away.

She sometimes comes back from the station 9:30pm after evenings out with friends. While I am not ‘comfortable’ with it (and I understand a 20 odd minute wait is not comfortable) I feel like they’ve got to learn about the world sometime. So many of our teens are anxious and sheltered and take forever and a day to grow up. I take solace that my dd is confident and ok with it and learning how the world works. How else are they to ‘become’ streetwise. In 4 months dd will start learning to drive and in 16 months will be legally an adult, old enough to vote. I would probably do what you do, sometimes let her and sometimes pick her up. However I would not be taking the others home.

While it might not be comfortable I think you’ve got the balance right.

As a childless person I'm quite shocked at some of the replies especially the person who said their 16-year old couldn't be out past 9. Can't youngsters live alone at 16? If they can legally live alone and do many other things that adults can, why can't they be out late?

Depends whether she is happy to do it OP? If you live in a fairly safe place and she is happy I would be ok with it.

However, I was scared witless in the dark at 16 in a very safe rural setting, more 🐑 than people and I was always so happy to see my lovely dad meet me at the bus stop for the mile long walk home as a teen.

Doesn’t matter whether she can live alone, is nearly old enough to vote etc. to me.

My parents care didn’t affect my life as a grown up. I moved from rural North Yorkshire to London post uni and cracked on with life as a young adult.

But at 15, 16, 17 etc I was scared of the dark walk home.

I'm kind of like you. After 9.30 I am not keen on 16yo DD getting the bus home from the train station. Her older brother walks (25 minutes and dark and without pavements in places) but he is 21. I won't detour for friends though unless their parents are willing to do their fair share, I will happily bring them back to ours but then they can either stay over or need to get picked up.

I let mine walk home anytime before midnight. He is nearly 15. Everywhere is lit up.