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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

First post- threats made to my 13 year old daughter

24 replies

Sunnydayze19 · 14/12/2019 00:17

Good evening, this is my first post and I’m hoping to get some advice from other parents. My DD is 13, and she quite a shy girl. Always has been. We are close and she does share mostly everything ( the good and the bad) with me. This evening she showed me messages she has been getting this evening from a group of girls from her school- apparently she had a falling out with one girl (apparently over borrowed money, she asked for it back) who she usually hangs around with and this girl had made a group chat and invited other girls ( who are not friends with my DD) and sent around 150 messages to her- lots, including many, many threats to beat her up, stamp on her face watch her back and plenty of other vile things. Some messages were calling her ugly and white trash.... my daughter didn’t respond to the messages, and showed me. My heart broke. I’ve never seen such vile messages, it makes it worse that these as 13 year old girls.
I’m worried for my child, I’m going to contact her school. Any advise please.

OP posts:

TARSCOUT · 14/12/2019 00:20

I would contact police, I really would. Poor girl.

Original poster

Sunnydayze19 · 14/12/2019 00:50

Thanks. For replying. I was thinking to do that- but as we have never been in this situation I don’t want to seem like I’m over reacting. I have asked my DD did something else happen that she hasn’t told me, and I believe her. I’m just shocked at the content of the messages and I genuinely don’t know the best course of action.

OP posts:

anon2000000000 · 14/12/2019 00:59

I'd be straight at the door to batter speak to the parents of the girl who started the group chat.

Involve the police and the school.

Fleetheart · 14/12/2019 08:18

Agree. School and police, these are awful things

Original poster

Sunnydayze19 · 14/12/2019 09:45

Thanks for replying. I will also contact the police. Thanks for your advice, I don’t feel like I’m over reacting now.

OP posts:

beautifulstranger101 · 14/12/2019 09:48

Police immediately. This is really serious- they are threatening violence. I'd also be speaking to the school and their parents. Threats like this work because they remain in the shadows, they rely on kids being too scared to out them. Expose them for the cowards they are.

Mopmum35 · 14/12/2019 09:50

Defo police and school.
Threats of violence against her and also racist comments. Your poor dd.

SavoyCabbage · 14/12/2019 09:52

You are definitely not over reacting. 😮

Good for her that she came straight to you.

I once (long story) accessed an Instagram of a 14 year old girl who I don’t know and it all looked fine and dandy until I went into the messages. My mind was blown. I’ve never read anything like it in my life.

I couldn’t imagine girls writing all this stuff to each other and then just functioning in the world. Doing ordinary stuff like looking for their PE kids and having dinner with their family. And then writing these messages to other girls.

Moonflower12 · 14/12/2019 09:53

Police definitely and the school. At least it's written down so easy to prove.

Your poor daughter.

PolloDePrimavera · 14/12/2019 10:00

You're definitely not. If you speak to school before police, they will try to talk you out of that but it should be logged officially for sure. Let us know and good luck, I hope you are both ok.

FiveFarthings · 14/12/2019 10:06

Your poor DD. Absolutely go to the Police- there are offences in relation to sending threatening/abusive messages via a telecommunications advice. Also in relation to the threats, the Police can speak to the girls involved and warn them off. Also get the school involved.

How much money did your daughter lend? Is she able to write it off? Unfortunately this is a hard lesson for her to learn- don’t lend your money to any one, even if they appear to be a friend (I’ve been bitten myself and that’s been by my so called best friend who is a professional working woman in her 30s!)

In the meantime, take screen shots of all the messages and make a note of all the mobile numbers who have been messaging. Then block each and every number on her phone and block them on all social media platforms. Then delete the messages. Don’t let your daughter keep them on her phone as she will just carry on re-reading them and getting upset.

Good luck

GreenTulips · 14/12/2019 10:10

Have you taken screen shots of the messages - do it on your phone as a photo

I’d also ring the police your daughter need your protection.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 14/12/2019 10:15

I have a 13 year old. Her school would come down on this likes ton of bricks. Last year girls were excluded for similar bullying. Police then school. Immediately.

TheClausSeason · 14/12/2019 10:18

Agree, police. You are not over-reacting.

Mishappening · 14/12/2019 10:20

Yes indeed -police first, then school immediately after.

Schools are obliged to have a policy on bullying and a policy on internet safety. Look them up on the school website and quote from them if needed.

If school drag their feet over action then talk to chair of governors.

Kanga83 · 14/12/2019 10:22

Make sure you screen shot all the messages. I would contact the police today, then Monday advise the head teacher of the situation and that as the child is 13 you have also notified the police.

TheReef · 14/12/2019 10:25

Op that's awful, your poor DD. I
Would also suggest police and school, this is v serious and needs to be dealt with as such

Paddlinglikehell · 14/12/2019 10:50

I know the feeling OP, it’s shocking to read in black and white.

Screen shot it and then contact the school and then police. However, don’t underestimate the effect it has on your dd and how the girls will react towards her once they know you have seen them and taken action. Has she got some really good close friends, because I would work on cementing those friendships if you can.

I do hope the school are supportive and take action, make sure you put everything in writing (email) even a conversation on the phone, confirm what was said in a quick email.

Sadly I speak from experience, my dd had very similar, which then escalated to physical and her friends excluding her. One girl was expelled at the end of the summer term, but that made it worse as they blamed her for that and it continued. I have just taken her out of school because of it and we are all struggling with the consequences of that at the moment. If I’d acted sooner and been pushier about it, we may have not got to this stage, so don’t let school fob you off. If they won’t deal with it effectively, go to the parents and show them what their little darlings are capable of.

Best of luck with school.

Original poster

Sunnydayze19 · 14/12/2019 14:52

Honestly, thanks so much to you all for your replies. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not being over the top. I have screen shot the messages, and have been in contact with police- they have made an appointment to see us tomorrow.
I plan to go to the school first thing on Monday.
I really am shocked at the nastiness of these messages, I feel so sad for my dd. I don’t want her to feel scared to go to school.
They have been asking other friends ask her no to tell on them as she will be the one to get into trouble 😳😳 I have seen the messages- she was only repeatedly saying sorry....
social media eh!! What a place. I am so glad it didn’t exist when I was younger!
Thanks again x

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunnydayze19 · 14/12/2019 14:55

Your poor DD. This is what I am scared of. Especially as I know there is a bigger group of them at school.
I don’t plan on letting them fob me off at all- something will need to be done.
I really hope your DD is well and doing ok now.
I don’t understand how girls of that age can be so vicious!

OP posts:

Daddylonglegs1965 · 14/12/2019 23:07

Your poor DD. It is good she could confide in you this time she may not always do this so tread carefully and do act. She has been brave and she has done well to show you and stand up for herself.
I was also going to say don’t screen shot the messages if snapchat instead if poss try and take a photo of the messages with another phone.
These bullies are often clever and can send some messages that once opened disappear quickly without leaving a record and your DD could get loads of flack off these girls for screen shotting the messages as they will be notified once a screen shot is taken if it’s Snapchat.
The school are unlikely to do very much and aren’t often keen in getting involved particularly in a very large school and if it didn’t happen on school premises but be aware that these girls and others they have roped in through fear or a desire to get in with the popular/more powerful people can still make things pretty uncomfortable for your daughter under the radar in school or just outside school etc.
It is awful these days with social media. To protect your DD if you don’t do so already get her to put her phone on charge downstairs over night so she isn’t been subjected to nasty vindictive messages when she is alone in her bedroom at night.
Go to the police, good luck and hope you get on ok.
Keep a close eye on your DD she may hopefully want to unfriend/block these girls in future for her own sanity/protection fingers crossed. Take care x

Paddlinglikehell · 02/01/2020 17:09

Hi OP. No just wanted to ask how things are and if you have spoken with the parents at all. I hope you get it sorted out.

We went and bought uniform for my daughters new school today and she is still very angry about what happened and it wasn’t sorted by school. The bullies ‘won’ in her eyes. Please don’t underestimate the impact.

ConfidingFish · 03/01/2020 10:03

@Sunnydayze19 Hope school were helpful. Any update?

Original poster

Sunnydayze19 · 03/01/2020 11:04

Hi. Thanks for the messages! I couldn’t find this thread again
We had a meeting with her school first thing that Monday morning, they took copies of all the messages and names and classes of the other girls. They said they wouldn’t be allowed to tell me what sanctions the girls will have , but that they would deal with it and involve the all of the girls parents.
They also allowed for my daughter to leave school early for the rest of the week - before the Xmas holidays. I was thinking to keep her at home but she was pretty adamant she wanted to go in, and felt safe knowing she would leave before everybody. Her thinking is- she hasn’t done anything wrong.
What ever actions the school took, seems to have done the trick- it’s all quite for now.
Fingers crossed it stays like thank.

Happy new year!

OP posts:

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