Husband telling off one DD more

[squareeyed]

I don't know what to do. Have 2 DDs, 10 & 13. They're both good kids. My DH tells the older one off more, for things he wouldn't tell the younger one off for. She sees it. It makes her sad and angry. It sometimes means she overreacts when he isn't being overly mean. But far more it's him overreacting.

We went through a v bad patch in our marriage for a while, about a year ago. He was controlling and overreacted to me and her. But I thought it had got better. She's a teen so can be arsey, not an angel. But she is a good kid who now doesn't believe her dad loves her and doesn't want to be with him in case she does the wrong thing and it makes him angry.

Younger DD more likely to go along with what he wants and just doesn't seem to rile him in the same way.

Older DD loves him and wants things to be better. DH doesn't seem to believe that and just says some kids and parents don't have a good relationship. Seems really sad to give up on it already.

What can I do?

I honestly don't know but I'm sure you realise that favouring one child over the other is very damaging. Not just to both children individually but also to their relationship as sisters.

This is obviously his issue and he is being very selfish if he doesn't try to fix it.

Somehow it's all about his ego. He can't seem to admit handling all this badly. Honestly her behaviour is a bit of lip at worst. You're right about it dividing the DDs, but I think we're dealing with that. I'm (re)considering splitting, but I'd much prefer to find a way of fixing things.

I think he needs to go and get counselling by himself. This isn't a family issue - he's parenting badly and it's not fair on you or your dds.

Has he always been like this with them?

He's been like that with me in the past @Moomin8. And there was a phase where he was bad with DD1 too. We had counselling. I thought it had got better... I don't think he'd go again. He thinks I'm being soft with her and she's being moody. I do worry I'm making too much of it. But DD is really sad. I was hoping someone might have a magic answer...

You're not making too much of it. In the future your daughter(s) will be the ones who have baggage from the way he's treated them.

Children should always be protected - they have no say in who their parents are.