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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I think my son is gay, should I wait for him or ask?

11 replies

ClaraMaru · 02/12/2019 13:09

I think that my DS 16 could be gay. He has shown interest in girls in the past but something I've noticed could tell us different.

His best friend he's known since reception stays over at our house on some weekends. They used to watch TV and play video games in the living room and sleep on the sofas.

Recently they have started doing this in his room. His friend sleeps on the floor next to his bed so they are not sleeping together to my knowledge but they will often sit together in just their boxers playing xbox and whatever else teenagers do. Maybe they're just comfortable with each other but isn't this a bit strange for just friends?

Me and DH would not mind him being gay, there is nothing wrong with it and is widely accepted these days. I just worry that he might be scared to tell us and doesn't want to come out.

It could just be nothing as he has shown interest in girls and have heard him talking to his friends about them in the typical lads way.

Am I overthinking all of this or could something be going on?

OP posts:
Chimpfield · 02/12/2019 13:13

It may be, it may not......,. Let home from me to your u and tell you( this coming from a mum that knew for 8 years).

Beamur · 02/12/2019 13:13

I wouldn't ask.
You're curious about him, but this isn't something you need to know. As long as you are providing a loving, supportive environment, he'll talk to you when he's ready.

Chimpfield · 02/12/2019 13:13

Him not home!

MustardScreams · 02/12/2019 13:18

Would you ask him if he was straight?

People don’t need to come out, just let him be who he wants to be and make sure you’re there for him. Which it sounds like you are Smile

ThunderboltandLightning · 02/12/2019 13:18

DH and his friends all used to sit around in their boxers watching TV or gaming. I didn't know him then, but he has described the scene to me while recounting tales of his youth. Maybe they are all closeted gay men, but all are now in long term relationships with women, so it seems unlikely.

If this is your only reason to wonder, then stop. If he is, he will tell you, if and when he is ready. Until then, it is none of your business.

newdeer · 02/12/2019 13:23

I honestly can;t see that playing video games in boxer shorts is a sign of gayness. It\s a sign they are comfortable in each other's co,apny He may be gay. If you're unsure, without making suggestive comments, I suppose the best thing you could do is make it very clear you are OK with it.

DS came out as gay to me in his mid teens. I genuinely had no idea. It had never occurred to me that he might be. He told me because he'd started hanging out with a new girl a lot and I asked if he liked her. But he knew he could come out because we've always been very openly disapproving of anti-gay propaganda (eg from our local church which I left because of it) and very close to one of their godfathers who is gay, so he grew up knowing it would be OK to come out.

Rollergirl11 · 02/12/2019 14:59

I wouldn’t ask either. If he is then he’ll tell you on his own time. But if you ask me you’ve made a big of a leap just because they sit around in their boxer shorts. If they’ve been friends since Reception then they are clearly very familiar and comfortable with each other!

sqirrelfriends · 02/12/2019 15:49

Playing video games in boxers doesn't indicate his sexuality IMO. I think asking him would just embarrass him if he's not gay, or not ready to make it known.

Maybe you could subtly indicate to him in some way that being gay is not a bad thing and that you and DH would be accepting if he were to come out.

bengalcat · 02/12/2019 15:51

I’d say you’re overthinking this . Let them be .

Arewedone · 02/12/2019 18:03

At this age they are just getting to know themselves.DS was at an all boys school and the friendship group very close, so close in fact on school trips they did kiss but didn’t go further, it was more curiosity. DS now 19 at Uni shows no interest in boys and says it was curiosity, however in line with current thinking they all describe themselves as gender fluid although non have gone on to same sex relationships. I agree with others, don’t force anything, if you have a good relationship they will tell you when they are ready.

SimonJT · 02/12/2019 18:07

Leave him be, he sounds like most teenage boys.

Gay man, there is no way I would have ever been in just underwear around a male friend as a teen.

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