Dd is self harming ..help

[Diamondt]

I’ve had a call from the school today telling me my daughter is self harming. She has 10 cuts on her arms, fresh within the last couple of days. She won’t talk to me at all. What do I do?
I’m a single parent and have no one to talk to. Her dads isn’t really about, can’t talk to my mum or dad. I don’t know what to do. I’m suffering from health problems and depression myself atm.
Please help x

She’s 14

Sorry I have no experience of this but happy to listen (well you know in mn terms!).
Have you seen this, also today? Self harming dd 14
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3755651-Self-harming-dd-14

Thank you I will look at this post. I was silly and didn’t think to look for another post that was already active. Thank you x

I self harmed as a kid. The school also told my mum. I wouldn’t talk, she left a note on my bed saying she wasn’t angry & no matter how scary it all was she was here to listen and help. After a lot of tears & stuff I got a little help. My story didn’t end well but it helped me talk to her.

I’m sorry you went through this.
I have said to her that I am here for her when and if she wants to talk to me. She didn’t reply very kindly. I mentioned seeing a professional to which she reminded me she sees a mentor at school already. She’s in yr 10 and in yr 9 she had a lot of time off with upset tummy’s, bugs etc so they offered a mentor for attendance reasons.
I just wish she would talk to me, I can understand that she doesn’t want to but I just wish she would.

My daughter went through this at around the same age.
There was no reason for her feeling low, she just felt low.
I found that there was no point in trying to stop her, when we took razor blades away she took the blades out of pencil sharpeners.
I told her that she didnt have to talk, and she said there was no point as she didnt know why she felt like that anyway. I said she could come for a hug or just sit with us, no talking, anytime of day or night. If she got out of bed and appeared on the sofa when we were watching tv we wouldn't ask why.
I also discussed other methods of hurting herself such as ice cubes etc.
Sometimes these things helped, sometimes they didnt and she still cut.
I felt like some days I was treading on egg shells not to upset her incase i made it worse.
She did see the gp and a counsellor and had medication for a brief time. She said med didnt help and talking to the professionals only helped when she was there. She did have apps on her phone such as calm harm i think it's called.
She no longer cuts but will always have the scars. At 18 she is better able to cope with her feelings but will always be someone who is prone to being low.
All you can do is be there, get as much help as possible, tell her you are not cross or disappointed, just worried because you love her unconditionally.
I know what it's like and I hope things improve for you both.

My daughter has a history of self harming also a single parent. The thing I couldn’t get my head around was why.
At a lot of therapy etc she eventually was able to explain it, that it was her way of overcoming emotional pain by inflicting physical pain. Sadly she was bullied at school so as an adult any rejection or perceived rejection she blows up out of proportion, she just can’t cope with emotional pain.
She is better now 15 years on but still at risk, her coping mechanism is exercise. Wish you well but I would say that emotional pain is at the root of this all you can do is be her mum.

My daughter started doing this when she was 13 she started again recently and she’s now 22. She won’t talk to me but I did manage to get her to a good therapist. She is also taking antidepressants now. It’s a horrible feeling when they won’t talk to you, you feel so helpless. Just get as much advice as you can on what is going in her world. I also heard a show on the radio recently discussing this. It’s important to understand they can’t just stop, it’s their coping mechanism. I always just said if you aren’t going to talk to me you have to talk to someone. Getting them to the therapist the first time is the challenge, if it’s a good therapist they should keep them coming back for more. Try a cognitive psychotherapist that specialises in adolescence.

Thank you for your support.
She had a good weekend with grandparents. I told my dad before he picked he up, when they came back he said she was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt at theirs but as soon as she came home she put a jumper on.
She been moody/snappy etc the last few days. I’ve not brought it back up and don’t know wether to? I’m worried to make things worse by trying to speak to her about it. She sees a Mentor at sch already but that is for attendance reasons. I think she should see a professional also someone who is detached from the school would make me feel better.
How do I suggest & explain ice cube method?
She was happy with me this morning and walked about with her short sleeve sch shirt on so that’s a step forward.
We are going shopping after school today so will see how that goes.
I know I need to speak to her but I don’t want another argument, which I worried could also make her want to harm herself.
Thank you for sharing and for your advise xx