Attitude in 13.5 DD

[Applejack87]

Hi my dd is 13.5 & quite demanding at the moment , I appreciate that she’s going through hormonal changes but her attitude is appalling , we’ve always been firm but fair with her she speaks to her father & I like she would one of the kids at school answering back & screaming . A lot of her friends have lots of freedom they are out late at night & venture out all over the weekend smoking vaps & drinking she feels that we are treating her like prisoner . We have let her out shopping with friends the condition being that she’s home by an agreed time & keeps her mobile on . How much freedom do your dd’s have ?

Same age here, rarely goes out in the evenings other than she has sport three evenings out of five

Might have her best friend here once a month for a sleepover, bf comes more often if she has got something on late at school. Meets four friends for coffee every other month, they are not shoppers.

Vaping and drinking is not in her world, I don't know any 13.5 year olds where it is in their world tbh.

The vaping & drinking is going on , a group of girls in her year managed to get hold of booze & were as drunk as lords . Your very lucky that your dd is kept busy with sports I think keeping them busy definately stops them getting into mischief

I have a 13 yo DS. His attitude is definitely getting worse, he argues/tries to negotiate with us over everything and it's driving me mad.

Luckily he's not showing any signs, yet, of wanting to go out in the evenings to parties (I have that to deal with with my 15yo!). But his best friend from primary has broken away from the group this year and is hanging out with the cool kids (their words not mine) who are out pretty much every night from what his mum says, and I wouldn't be happy with that. Year 10 maybe, but not year 9.

My 13yo has the freedom to go out after school, but he has to be home by 6 for tea, and then, when the nights were light, he could go out again until either it was 8pm or dark. But he was just scooting in the skate park, or riding his bike with friends on an estate, so I didn't need to worry too much.

My dd is 15 and there is no vaping, smoking or drinking in her friendship group. Bus picks her up from home and drops her off in school and she has a very long day, plus a sport twice a week after school, from which I pick her up.

With homework and trips away as a family and seeing family and family friends she doesn't have much time left, on average she is out once every two to three weeks, shopping with friends or cinema trip, she has been to one concert recently but very limited otherwise.

Probably slightly unusual but we are a large family and all siblings are very close in age, so doing stuff with their siblings still counts as fun, which I am very grateful for...

DD is the same age. She never goes out in the evening during the week apart from to go to the gym. Sometimes she’ll go to Nando’s or Wagamama’s with friends after school on a Friday but is usually back by 6ish. She has 4 hours worth of Dance on Saturdays so is a bit restricted to what she can do then but will sometimes meet a friend after that. She has a core group of 4 friends and they all have sleepovers at each other’s houses every few weeks or so. The only time she is out late is if she’s gone to a party. There have been 4 so far this term. No drinking as of yet at these parties but they can be pretty late finishing (11pm). Us parents take it in turns picking up.

There are kids in her year that do go out at night, hanging around the streets or the park, and I know that they are smoking/vaping. And DD says she knows of some people that have got drunk when at someone’s house.

Luckily DD has never asked to go out when it’s not either dinner with friends, the cinema, shopping or to a friends house so I’ve never had to say no to her.

Why does a 13/14 year need to be out regularly with friends on a school night. They will see them the next day and they should be home doing homework and spending time with their family!