My 16 year old is taking hard drugs - help please

[kipperthedog]

Hello all :) it's been a very long time since I've been on here, but the MN community was so helpful to me when my dc's were little that I thought coming here for some help in my hour of teenage need would be a good idea so I really hope someone can help or at least help me feel that I am not alone please!

My ds is 16, left school this year and now at college. He's never been a vey well balanced child and has been prone to anger but since leaving school his behaviour has taken a massive nose dive.

It's hard to know what is "normal" teen behaviour and what isn't. Over the summer he started smoking weed, which tbh I didn't feel was the end of the world but then his friend parents told me he had been taking ecstasy with their son. Since then he has told me he has taken Xanax and last weekend two of his friends that he was out with, collapsed and were taken to hospital after raking a concoction of ketamine, pills and Xanax. I sat on his bed all night watching him breathing as I was scared he was going to die. This was an absolute low point of my parenting experiences so far. Despite all this he doesn't seem deterred and went on to take Xanax after college on Monday & was off his head.

He lives 50/50 with me and his Dad. He has two younger siblings who live with me and I am lone parenting. Really struggling with anxiety about the situation and trying not to panic but things seem to be spiralling out of control. His college attendance is terrible, he swears at us, misses buses and expects lifts with his mates who are also out of their minds, has terrible hygiene, the list goes on. And this is all being witnesses by his siblings.

I am shocked that these drugs are so readily available and at a loss to know how to try and resolve this. His Dad has told me he wants to kick him out which means that I will have him with me full time and I'm really not sure I can cope with that.

I've done a lot of reading and I know that despite their outward hostility teens need their parents and boundaries but what consequences can I enforce with a strong 16 year old teen who is taller than me??

Sorry for the long and probably disjointed ramble! If you've made it to the end thank you :)

How horribly stressful I'm sorry to hear this. I wish I had some advice but didn't want to just read your post with no comment. Have you asked the welfare people at his college for advice/signposting?

What an awful thing for you to be through OP

Have you thought about talking to your GP? Even though they won't be able to discuss your DS's health with you they can record your concerns and point you in the direction of other help/support.

*going through

If neither you nor his dad are able to house him (and given the concerns I would have for the younger siblings at this point I don't think it would be at all unreasonable for you to make that choice), then he has a statutory right to housing. This does not mean he gets much choice and it's Children's Services who have the duty and they will pressure family to accommodate him so they don't have to, but if both you and his dad refuse, he will not be left homeless.

It varies area to area but you can generally self refer to Early Help or social services, your local council website should be able to guide you.

Each area should have a specialist Drug & Alcohol service for young people, again, local council website should have information. Your ds probably won't be interested- you have to recognise a problem and want help and it doesn't sound as if either is true for him? But they can often provide advice and support to you, and may be able to support you in liaising with the LA if you decide you cannot house him safely at the moment.

It is not giving up on someone to recognise that you cannot house them or provide the help they need at this moment in time. Pretending you can manage and just getting through whilst the problems get worse and worse and more and more people are affected (again thinking so much of your younger dc here) is not the answer.

(I have self referred to a range of agencies, statutory and voluntary, seeking help for my eldest DS and for us. And I am a registered social worker! Trust me, there is NO SHAME IN SEEKING HELP. People may try and make you feel like you are a cold hearted disgrace of a parent if you make the decision to stop accepting the shit and take drastic action like refusing to accommodate. They are wrong and you are not.)