Parties

[needmorecoffee]

DD (15) wants to go to a party about 200 miles away. Its at a house I have banned her from (the mother buys booze for teenagers, there was peadophile actvity at these parties in the past and the police still think these parties are grooming) She says all her mates are going, its not fair, I'm ruining her life etc etc etc
It is true that all her mates are going and the mother claims the paed is long gone.
Am I too harsh? Should I let her go and trust that she's sensible? any advice?

Erk. Nah i wouldn't let her go, personally!

only you know if she is mature enough to recognise any wrong doings, iyswim?

my parents would have let me-but i was born 25

I wouldn't as I have had personal bad experience of letting son stay out at trusted places. I would stay with your instinct as it is usually right. You have to be cruel to be kind. Things went very wrong for my son and I should have said no.

No way!

15 yrs old. 200 miles away.

Who is going to be responsible for these children? Who is going to look after them if they drink too much/get themselves in a dodgy situation?

Not in a million! I'm pretty laid back about most things but a party 200 miles away would be bad enough in itself, let alone with all the other stuff. And I'd wonder whether it's true that 'all' her mates are going or whether all her mates are using the same line on their mums...

Can you not ask your dd's friends' mums what they are doing and get some perspective on it all. I would be amazed if they were 'all going' as your dd claims! 200 miles is a long way if anything goes wrong.

No, don't trust her in that situation. She's fifteen. It's no reflection on her; not many 15 year old girls would be equipped to deal with that amount of freedom, that far away from home, with adults around who are obviously not fit to be trusted with their welfare.

Be strong about it. The worst that you are doing is showing her just how much you love her and think she's important and precious, and that you want to protect her!

It is true that all her mates are going. Their parents are all fine with it and think I'm over oppressive and don't trust her.
Its so hard deciding whats fine and what isn't.
I suppose I should be pleased she's actually asking me! She doesn't live at home but with her grandparents. They think its all fine to let her go (after a break methinks).
Why can't they stay as cute little babies!

I know how you feel, it's so difficult to know what to do. On one hand, this time next year she will be old enough to live on her own and have a child so will she be more responsible then and on the other she's still only a baby at 15 really.
I left home at 16 and moved a long way away and was certainly capable of judging bad and good situations for myself at 15 but not all teens are that savvy.
If she has a good friendship base and they can all be trusted to look out for each other and you trust her then she would probably be ok but I would go with my gut instinct. I am often the 'killjoy' parent and my dd has never thanked me for it!