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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Driving/ driving test worries

13 replies

DietCocoaBreak · 18/11/2019 14:41

My DS has his driving text next week - according to his instructor he should pass, but I'm secretly hoping he fails

He's very confident and raring to get out there but it just seems so bloody dangerous and he seems horribly inexperienced even though DH has taken him out loads.

How am I going to NOT feel physically sick every time I know he's driving home from somewhere? To make it worse none of his friends drive yet and they're all planning road trips for as soon as he has a licence, which I cant really stop as he's 17.

I know I need to get a grip - any help with how I do that?

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/11/2019 16:46

I felt like this when DD passed last year but you do get used to it after a while. It's the loud music and over excited mates that worried me as well, it's all a distraction.

DD headed straight off to Brighton the night after her test (we're in London). And also did a road trip to Liverpool a few weeks later.

so I've no advice, other than you do get used to it and they gain more experience.

mumonthehill · 18/11/2019 16:51

You just have to learn to live with the worry!!!! It does get better as they gain more experience!

BackforGood · 18/11/2019 16:52

......which I cant really stop as he's 17

Well what is he driving ?
How is he affording the insurance?

When mine passed, I put them on my car insurance for the first year, and we split the cost of the difference between what it had been and what it became. They were aware that in the case of a 'fault' accident, they were responsible for the excess. However, it was still my car, and they needed to ask me when they needed to use it.

S, they began to build up experience, but - as they were still young / living at home - I still had a certain level of control.

Roselilly36 · 18/11/2019 16:57

I know exactly how you feel OP, my son passed at 17, I still worry until I see his car on the drive. You just never stop worrying being a mum, it’s just from one thing to the next!

Aquamarine1029 · 18/11/2019 16:58

Who's car will he be driving? If it's yours, of course you have a say in where he can and can't go in it. I've been through this driving stuff already with my children, (in their 20's now), and all I can advise is that you need to have very clear rules and expectations, with very seriously consequences of he fucks up. He may be 17, but he is ONLY 17, still a child, and still living under your roof and being fully supported by you.

Nishky · 18/11/2019 17:04

I agree you do learn to deal with it

leonardthelemming · 18/11/2019 20:06

This is why I support the idea of graduated driving tests, like they have in New Zealand (and some other places, I think).

When they pass the first test they can drive solo, but the only passengers they can carry are members of their immediate family, and they can only drive late at night if supervised.

Then they have to build up hours (and experience) before taking another practical test to qualify for a full licence.

Original poster

DietCocoaBreak · 18/11/2019 20:31

He has his own car - he worked his socks off for it but I will be paying the insurance so I will have some say in how he uses it I guess.

I love the sound of the New Zealand test - the thought that next week he would be hurtling around in a massive chunk of metal at 70mph when he still seems so young is just scaring me silly.

I think I'll go with a very serious conversation and some ground rules about friends and drunk people in the car. And I'm still hoping that he fails his test to buy me a few more weeks of sleep!

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/11/2019 21:54

I remember the weekend before DD passed her test, she wanted me to go out in her car for a long drive so she drove to Brighton and we had to use the A roads as she wasn’t allowed on the motorway with L plates.

However the following weekend she was hurtling down there with her mates. Surely it would have been better to gain some experience beforehand with her mum in the front and L plates, utterly bizarre.

Original poster

DietCocoaBreak · 19/11/2019 08:00

Yes, I completely agree - the motorway rule is odd. It's madness that they are suddenly deemed safe on them with literally zero experience at that speed or with cars on all sides!

OP posts:

Deecaff · 19/11/2019 11:25

Don't they tend to have black boxes these days which should limit speeding and driving after 9pm?
I know that a few people have had a rule that their DCs need to have a year's post test driving experience under their belt before they can give lifts.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/11/2019 16:26

I think a black box is more dangerous as they are constantly fretting about the exact speed, and people overtaking them etc.

I've also heard of people having rules about no passengers but in reality how would you know? I think you just need to take a deep breath and accept its another thing to worry about and hope for the best.

BackforGood · 19/11/2019 18:19

It's madness that they are suddenly deemed safe on them with literally zero experience at that speed or with cars on all sides!

Well, the only way you can gain experience of doing anything is by doing it. I'd would like to presume that, during the time they were learning, they've had lots of practice on similar roads (A roads with 3 lanes and filter lanes to get on and off / by passes etc) so aren't exactly just flung on to a motorway with no experience.

I agree BigSandyBalls - a) how would you know, and b) when my dd is driving a long distance or driving late at night, I somehow feel much more comfortable / relaxed if she has a friend with her, than when she is on her own. Someone to change the music, reassure you re direction, someone to be with you if you break down etc etc I have to trust that I've brought my dc up to think about who they give lifts to / who they hang out with.

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