Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD 14 has awful bf

8 replies

AlexandraGore · 16/11/2019 23:32

DD 14 has been seeing her bf for a year now and doesn’t show any signs of moving on. Her bf also 14 is a very volatile character, seems angry a lot. He always seems to have to have his own way, and can come across as quite controlling. Often I have gone into her room when I hear raised voices.

He’s not a good influence on her, is badly behaved in school and currently on a reduced time table. He’s regularly excluded for disruptive behaviour and often upsets DD by always putting his friends first and making her feel unwanted. But then other times he treats her like she’s the most important person in the whole world.

I think he may have ADHD and I know his younger brother has a diagnosis of ASD. Despite his behavioural problems he seems to come from a well to do family. Lives in an expensive part of town, mum and dad work and drive nice cars etc. In fact his mum is some kind of teacher/tutor in a school in the next town. (Not sure of exact job but I know she’s not a class room teacher). I’m surprised as I’ve often tried to contact his mum about my concerns but she is quite aloof and dismissive, and sometimes won’t communicate with me at all, quite often ignoring my phone calls or texts.

Despite my concerns he can be very funny, charming and generous. DD is totally besotted with him. But his anger issues frighten me.

I’ve spoken to DD about my worry about him and she just says that’s the way he is and she loves him.

I keep thinking surely this relationship has run its course but it’s still going on.

Should I carry on trying to contact the mum about my concerns?

OP posts:
carolina21 · 16/11/2019 23:34

You lost me when you mentioned his brother, and then tried to put this on him.

carolina21 · 16/11/2019 23:36

Very rude and even hoe you speak about his mother .

GranaryGhost · 16/11/2019 23:36

No it would obviously be utterly pointless. You keep them both close and you restrict/manage their time together whilst not appearing hostile.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/11/2019 23:36

Your child is 14. YOU are the adult and parent. It's time to take control of the situation and put an end to his visits.

AlexandraGore · 16/11/2019 23:50

Yes I have tried to stop him from coming here. He was banned from the house for a month as some money went missing and all that happened was DD just spent all her time at his house and I didn’t see her much.

Sadly it does seem futile to try and communicate with his mum so I’ll give up on that.

I’ll try and reduce the amount of time they spend together and hopefully it will end soon anyway.

OP posts:
tararabumdeay · 16/11/2019 23:58

It doesn't matter about him or his family. Your daughter is the one who needs protecting from this boy if you believe he is detrimental to her development.

Bad boys can't be changed by good women.

carolina21 · 17/11/2019 00:00

You can't blame him for everything .

I would suggest your daughter took the missing money

dontgobaconmyheart · 17/11/2019 00:01

I wouldn't have him in the house OP, you have to intervene in their fights (raised voices) and he is controlling- at 14 years of age? Bloody hell. He needs to go.

I would start educating DD on red flags and how to recognise them asap and take some control of this situation. You are the adult here.

Re: your concerns, you are NBU to have a problem or to attempt to manage his abusive behaviour, or to discuss this with his mother, or to start setting serious boundaries. YABVU to suggest that the issue is additional needs merely because a sibling has them or to suggest that their social class comforts you in a bizarre belief that they can't be that bad if they are as such. I don't expect you intended to come across badly OP but that reflects poorly IMO. Like a thank goodness they aren't poor or we'd know they were really wronguns way...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page