Single mum to DD17 and DD15 for over 10 years
DD17 has a naturally occurring unreasonable/irrational and feisty (shouty) personality. She is not lazy but everything has to be on her terms. She is at college and has a part time job and sees her dad 1 day a week. She made a big deal over needing GCSE revision time last year but didn’t do any revising and didn’t do well in exams. She got onto a part time college course by the skin of her teeth. She does her own laundry but is crap at it, she will wash everything all in one go, hang it out badly and I end up having to rehang it all so it will dry and I have some room for my own. I no longer give her any pocket money. She makes out like she is a real life Cinderella whenever asked to do anything. She is responsible and trustworthy though generally
DD15 is more reasonable/level headed to talk to but is lazy. She will do things (without shouting) after a lot of nagging and reminders. She is revising GCSE’s and is predicted good grades and needs them for the A Levels she wants to do. She appears to be putting in a lot of work with revising but doesn’t do much else except for that. She does not see her dad but has a boyfriend. She can’t seem to operate any machinery except her phone. She gets £5 a week pocket money for basics. She is not very responsible
Both are grossly messy in their rooms. They are not allowed to spill this mess out of their rooms at all
I feel like I am in a constant war with them over who is doing what job. I knew it would be hard with them both doing GCSE’s in concurrent years, so I knocked off some household chores and we are down to: washing up and changing the cat litter trays. Each does 1 of them once a day. I want them to do well at school/college but I feel like this is being used against me!
DD17 is out all weekend at work/dad so DD15 will help me with cleaning at weekends and DD17 is STILL COMPLAINING at having to do 1 chore a day 😒. If I come home with any shopping, they will just argue that it’s not their turn to put anything away. They wash up but never clean the sink after etc
I work full time and literally do everything else except clean their rooms/change beds. They can’t/won’t cook. I’ve just bought a dishwasher because I am in a constant war of the entire contents of my kitchen sitting dirty for days on end it is disgusting and I’ve had enough. When they do wash up it’s poor quality
Tonight I added up that I work/do things in the house for 70 hours a week. They each do 40 hours a week and that includes revision. They get 30 hours a week more downtime than me and STILL can’t do simple chores. The discussion ended up with DD17 saying it was all unfair and DD15 finally did 3 days of the washing up (dishwasher arrives Thursday).
I’ve heard it all - don’t give them lifts, don’t give them money, turn off the WiFi etc - in reality this doesn’t work. We live on a crappy bus route and it’s winter, I can’t not get them to school and college. They both need WiFi to revise and college work. I do withhold extras like pocket money at times when it’s really bad. If I don’t cook they will just eat everything else that doesn’t involve cooking (they will microwave) or will just cook frozen chips or go to the shop and buy crisps
Can anyone give me some practical tips on tackling this teenage stage and not going bonkers?