At my whits ends

[EscapeArtist101]

Hi

Advice please. I'm going through a divorce and try to protect DS (16) from it, but if he asks questions I answer as best I can and don't criticise his father as it seems wrong. My husband doesn't follow that view and vents his anger at the children. DS became very anxious wanting to share his time fairly but really struggling with the different parenting styles.

My DS now lives permanently with me as he finds his Dad too controlling and critical. I had hoped that DS would settle down emotionally after deciding to stay with me. The other problem is that he hates school and it's a real battle to get him there. He has ADHD and dyslexia and finds school hard but has a good set of friends.

He was happy for a while until he fell ill with possible glandular fever. He now seems to be in a cycle of feeling low, getting ill, refusing to go to school.

He’s totally subdued and just spends all his time in bed. He’s not even playing on his computer. He's always been such a happy, fun, but sensitive person.

He’s been feeling feverish for the last 2 days and hasn’t gone to school. I took him to the Dr who has suggested that because DS's spirits are low it’s leaving him susceptible to catching bugs. He’s suggested he has a blood test and counselling. After we left DS refused to even entertain the idea of either. He won’t talk to me and I don’t know what to do.

I’m going to try and get him to either go to school or go for the blood test tomorrow, but I know it's going to be a battle and one I will probably lose.

How do I get him dressed and in the car? Threats have never worked with him and I don't want to take his phone off him as he needs his connection to his friends.

I feel like an utter failure and don't know what to do. Any advice would be great please.

Hi, I didn’t want to leave your post unanswered but I don’t have the answers. All I can suggest is you keep trying, get the school involved. They should refer you to the early help team who can assess your son at home and see what assistance they can be. I’m struggling with my own teen, and know to must be feeling helpless. The school probably offer counselling as well? All I can say is really push for early help, as my daughter has not been at school now for 5 months and early intervention may stop it getting worse. Good luck x

This sounds like you're both going through a tough time. I would assume that in terms of blood tests they would be doing a full blood count, thyroid and then vitamin D, iron and b12? You could always ask the GP surgery I'm sure they will tell you

You could always buy some supplements for your DS of simple vitamins and take them as well as generally speaking this would not do you any harm unless you have been advised not to.
Being low on one of the vitamins can leave you feeling tired. This could also boost him immune system to a place where he can fight off things like a cold better. Maybe look at paying for him to have the flu jab at the local chemist.

I would ensure he is eating and drinking plenty even if this means buying more of the foods he is likely to go to the cupboard and snack on. Again to keep his energy up

In regards to school I would contact them and ask for any home work, work sheets etc. He needs to stay on top if he is well enough some days but just refusing to go into school

For the blood test did he refuse through fear of needles? If so you can purchase a numbing cream from the chemist which makes this a lot less scary process. As an adult should I need a blood test I will be purchasing this before hand!

Thank you for the messages. He is seeing the school counsellor, but doesn't open up to her. I'm giving DS multi vits, vit D and yakult every morning. He's not the best eater and tends to graze, but I'm trying to buy what he likes and also 'easy' fruit like grapes, strawberries to snack on.

I'll try and find out about the early help as I've not heard of that before. DS texted me at 2am saying he'll go for the blood test so hopefully he'll follow through with that.
Thanks again.

@Help201602, it sounds like you're having a tough time too. Does your DD do her schoolwork at home and stay on top of things? I'm so worried that the longer DS spends in his bedroom the further down the dark rabbit hole he'll go.

When did he have glandular fever as this takes alot out off you and he should not be at school with it.

@mcmen05 it was the beginning of October. The blood test will tell us if it definitely was glandular fever. Do you think it's still too early for him to be back in school? It's so hard to find the balance between pushing him to go in and letting him stay at home. He only had 78% attendance last year and has missed so much school this year I worry about his GCSEs.

Oh so he didn't have a diagnosis off glandular fever. My dd friend had it last year was off school for about 2 months got work sent home had total isolation for first month even at home. It completely drains them Google it.

If threats don't work and you don't want to punish him, you could try the carrot instead of the stick?

DD is 16 and this has always worked with her - we've progressed from staying in her bed all night for a sticker to having no 'lates' at school for cash though

Hope you can find a way through this difficult time

@mcmen05 The last time DS refused to have the blood test, but the Dr reckoned it was glandular fever. I'm not totally convinced and am interested to see the result.

Hope he is ok

@eenymeenyminyme Thank you, that's a great idea. I just need to make sure it's affordable 😂

@mcmen05 Thank you 😄