This is a bit messy... but, advice appreciated!

[Artyfarty11]

Hello! Long time reader of posts and first time posting!
Many moons ago I had a boyfriend when I was a teenager. One night, while blind drunk, I was subject to a non consensual activity with another man. 6 months later I find out I am 6 months pregnant. While totally repressing everything that happened, I assumed it was my boyfriends. He was a loser anyway, so I had to go it alone. I now have a very successful career and a fantastic teen! However, I am convinced that her real sperm donor is the person I try to forget. He has done okay, he has a job and a life and we were just kids I guess.

What I’m struggling with is... how on earth do I ask him for a test 14 years later! My teen is really keen on meeting him of course! I appreciate any advice, but saying it out loud feels kind of good actually! I haven’t told anyone!!

[ThatsMeInTheSpotlight]

It doesn't sound as though you've come to terms with what happened. I'd suggest slowing down on trying to introduce DD to anyone or on trying to establish paternity because you're not considering any of the legal or emotional implications of this.

I think you'd benefit from counselling.

[TenThousandSpoons]

So her father is either the loser abusuve boyfriend who you were (are?) scared of or another man who is a rapist. I wouldn’t want her to meet either of them. When you talk about the DNA test you mean of the ex boyfriend? Do you still know the rapist too?

[wijjjy]

Both my ex and I are very dark and my DD is light

This is not a good indication. If you were both light and your DD dark, then that would be more evidence, as light colouring tends to be recessive.

Dark colouring (skin and hair) is dominant so there is no surprise to have a light coloured child with two dark coloured parents.