I am messaging here with a very complex situation.
I started seeing my DP in February this year. He had a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship that ended six years previous. His relationship with Mum was very volatile and aggressive, she did drugs around daughter (weed mostly). Sadly Mum passed away last year from cancer.
Mum had a lot of mental health issues and daughter was exposed to a lot of this, to the point where a loaf of bread could cause violent outbursts. With daughter growing up around it, CAMHS (was involved after mums death) they classed it as emotional development disorder.
Daughter blamed herself for mums death, as when she was alive daughter asked her to stop smoking, but she refused as daughter stresses her out too much. she has a history of self harm as well.
At the point of Mum passing, Daughter did not have much of a relationship with father because of the drama between the parents.
When Mum found out she was dying she lied to SS to get daughter put in care rather live with her father, and thankfully they did they jobs properly and found there was no risk at all, but she would often do this whenever she had a episode.
So daughter and father have a difficult relationship they are still trying to navigate, and suddenly living together full time.
Obviously loosing her mother and then moving in with her father, coupled with the development issues highlighted by CAMHS, she has really gone off the rails.
she regularly skips school, started smoking and drinking and drugs. she started seeing a young lad and now 6 months on DP house has been raided twice because of their drug use and last time holding drugs for a local dealer.
DP works 12 hour shift work a lot, and they took advantage of this so he is not aware of extent of the issues.
As we are in a long distance relationship, I don't see DP as often as we like. I don't have any other children.
I have a good relationship with daughter, but i can tell she needs structure and routine. She has no insight in to the trouble she gets in, and i think other people exploit this.
Daughter has no respect for DP at all, always very aggressive with him and shouts at him all the time. She doesn't care about his feelings at all, and i wonder if its to do with her upbringing. she has formed a unhealthy emotional attachment to her bf to the point she puts herself at risk at times.
DP has worked with social services a lot over the last couple of months, as he is by himself he very overwhelmed and stressed a lot, as there is something new every day. Today was stick and poke tattoos...
He desperately needs help, in one breath SS support, and then school mentions she should be taken in to care. He just doesn't know what to do day to day, and feels he failed as a father.
I am posting here hoping any parents could give any advice/insight. As this is effectively my first experience of parenting, I am pretty ill equipped. I have started small things, like making a point of spending time together when I am down, and DP is getting a dinning table so we could eat together. She is a very smart girl, still gets A's and B's even though she is hardly at school. She doesn't know how much her dad loves her and just wants her to do well in life.