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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Angry at teens

12 replies

Feebey · 26/09/2004 14:48

Hello I'm new here and would like some advice please ...
My ds is driving me mad! He's 16.10 years old and he's basically a good kid, but boy he has this stubborn streak which ties me up in knots so much that I want to draw blood (figuratively speaking of course!) He couldn't be bothered to do things. His clock radio alarm broke so I said to him that he really ought to go to town (5mins on his bicycle) and get a new one - no he'll be fine. I tried to say that what if he doesn't wake up in time for school etc but no way was he going to get a clock radio alarm. I got angry at him and yelled and said that he was lazy and that that I certainly wouldn't get him up. Still nothing no reaction no nothing. I then asked him to go to Tesco (in town 5mins away) to get some bread for sarnies (yes I too could have zipped into town, but I thought that he may think that as he's having to go he may as well buy the alarm radio thing) He has just gone to do that but nope no and no again he did not take extra money for the clock alarm! Why why why do they do it? My stomach is still reeling at the anger inside... my head aches for the abuse I so want to hurl at him - is this normal? Am I going mad? Does he do it intentionally to get a reaction from me? Will he always be such a lazy little whatnot? Help anyone?

OP posts:
pixiefish · 26/09/2004 14:55

Let him be perhaps. If he's still in school and is late tomorrow morning then he'll learn from his own mistakes. If he's working then same thing. Personally I wouldn't stress about it and let him learn. Easy for me to say perhaps but I'd be tempted to do that

aloha · 26/09/2004 15:14

Why quite so angry? After all, he is the one who will get into trouble if he's late for school, not you. Stick to your guns and don't wake him early. he might wake up naturally, or he might oversleep and get into trouble. I'm basically agreeing with pixiefish here. It's clearly not a matter of laziness as he was happy to go to buy bread for the family. It really doesn't sound worth being so angry and upset about, honestly. There are much worse teenagers about!

Original poster
Feebey · 26/09/2004 15:21

He's still at school doing his 1st yr A levels, and yes perhaps youre right it's not such a big thing to get so angry about, thank you for replying and putting it into perspective for me

OP posts:
pixiefish · 26/09/2004 15:26

I'm a secondary teacher and believe that as teachers we mollycodle and spoon feed the kids too much so that when they go to uni and have to fend for themselves academically they're lost. The sixth form is the ideal time for them to start asserting their independence and learning to be self sufficient both academically and at home. Sorry to say this but he's a young adult now- he needs to learn a few lessons- better for him to be late for school and get told off than be late for a job and get the sack! Good Luck

donnie · 26/09/2004 15:28

soundt to me like he is being typically teenagey - not doing things because mum is telling him to ! often they have to do things as if they have arrived at the decision themselves IFSWIM, not as a result of you telling him to.I wouldn't worry. If he is getting bread for you he can't be too bad !Akso if he has just finished his GCSEs then he probably wants a bit of a cruise for a while ( although AS courses are anything but!)

Lonelymum · 26/09/2004 15:35

It doesn't sound like a big issue to me but I can understand your frustration at the way he seems to be deliberately doing the opposite of what you want. Isn't that normal? I don't have teenage children but I well remember being a teenager and doing the exact opposite of whatever my parents wanted me to do was the number one aim in life (after sleeping in late!) I wasn't a bad teenager by any stretch of the imagination and I am sure your son isn't really. Of course he will grow out of it and one day you will feel nothing but pride when you see what a fine job you made of his upbringing!

Jollymum · 26/09/2004 15:36

I watched a programme the other day about a teenage mum (16) and her mum. The grandma was complaining about the young mum, saying she was out all the time, never cooked or anything and wouldn't look after her baby. Turned out the young girl had tried but every time she did something the grandma corrected her and took over. She'd never learnt to cook/clean or take responsibility because the Grandma did it all. I have two boys at senior school now and they drive me ballistic. I have decided that for things like school I will nag consistently, homework etc even though I was tempted not to. The oldest one got into trouble at school, wasn't very bothered and made us look like uncaring parents for not checking his homework book. Felt awful when teacher phoned to mention the third detention slip that we should have signed, etc etc. Had a real row with 14 year old and have decided to be really mean now. If he doesn't do his homework when nagged at, before he goes to bed, I simply write in his book that we nagged at him and he could not be bothered to do it. We can't physically make him, but boy, life gets really difficult when he needs lifts here and there. Chill out a little, if you can, he'll have to learn the hard way and althouh it's not in a mum's natue to give up, hang back a little and let him learn.

Original poster
Feebey · 26/09/2004 16:17

Thank you all very much - I feel heaps better and yes you are right he's a good kid and I will no doubt look back at the next 2 years or so and be so very proud - he wants to be a pilot and he'll get there I know he will

OP posts:
luckymum · 26/09/2004 16:19

Feebey - I have a 16 year-old ds so you have my sympathy. I agree about not getting too wound up about it. Children of that age want to be seen as grown-ups so to my mind if that's what they want that's what they get to some extent. Let him be late for school - its him that will get the aggro. Similar example is not putting the washing in the basket - it doesn't get washed and he's the one with no clean clothes.

I've learned to pick my battles otherwise everything ends in an argument. Some things are worth falling out over - save your breath for those

suedonim · 26/09/2004 19:15

I'm on my third teenager (17yo dd1) and learnt eventually that you have to let then get on with things! When they are sufficiently motivated, they'll do it; if not, they'll suffer the consequences.

Tortington · 27/09/2004 19:01

i have a 14yo and he is much the same - its the tome in which he speaks to me rather than the content that really gets me down. i ask if he has any homework - if he says no and he has detention - fine - am passed caring. am so glad i have a daughter who can show the school that i do actually care and try to help my kids - isnt it awful how we can get upset about people at school - who probably know we try

Tortington · 27/09/2004 19:01

tone - not tome - getting him to read a street sign is hard enough!

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