Teenage anger and disrespect

[EmaLu]

Hello parents of teenagers especially 15/16 year old boys. My husband and I are at our whits end, our usually well behaved pleasant son has become so disrespectful and defiant of late it’s affecting the whole house. He has no motivation and when we attempt to motivate him or remind him of things he has to do or school work/revision at the moment it causes massive arguments. He speaks to me and his dad really horribly and huffs and puffs at everything and blows out his cheeks in anger. He is currently out somewhere as I asked him to leave to cool off, he doesn’t go out of the house much but he does have a group of friends from being a young child that he socialises with occasionally. Before he left he spoke to me in a really disrespectful way he shouted and he even swore f-bomb I asked for his phone which is usually what happens when he is cheeky and he fought me to keep hold of it and screamed at me to get off it refusing g to hand it over. Honestly my heart feels like it is breaking. I know people say parenting teenagers is hard but I didn’t expect this I feel like such a failure. He is not like this at school he is a star pupil who is very well behaved, he is even a school ambassador. He is not going to be a child for much longer o don’t want these years to be so stressed and hostile. Please help!!

I asked him to leave not only due to his verbal aggression but he was also punching and kicking the house we also have a 6 year old.

What a horrible situation to be in OP. Teenagers are awful. You are not alone.

This sounds exactly like my son. He's 16 now and and pleased to say we are seei g some light at the end of the tunnel.
From about 14 he's did all of the things you mention, he was rude, disrespectful, lazy, horrible to siblings etc.
We, like you were at our wits end, Consequences like xbox or phone removal seemed to make things worse as we took things away from him for longer each time he misbehaved.
I read so many books on teens and cried most days as it affected the whole family like you said.
We started to try new tactics, mainly backing off from him a bit, still calling him out on things but in a calm way. No more nagging about homework, if he doesn't do it, it's his problem.
Basically we chose our battles carefully, hard as it was. Gave him space, and very gradually he seemed better.
He's now in 6th form and has a part time job, things are looking up. He's still awful from time to time, but I think understanding the teenager brain has helped a lot.
I recommend a book called 'get out of my life, but take me and Alex into town'
Weird title I know, but someone on here recommended it to me and its helped enormously.
Most of all take time for yourself, don't take it personally and know that it's a phase.

I am afraid I don't have any words of wisdom as I am in a similar situation. My son is 14 and quite frankly pretty horrible most days. I too don't know how to deal with it as nothing seems to bother him.

You are not alone though so hopefully that will be of some reassurance that you are not a bad parent!

Chocaholic

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply, I do feel a little sense of relief to know it’s not just our teen and I will take on board advice given especially the book. Thanks again see you on the other side of 16 lol. I’ve to do it all again with the 6 year old I hope he doesn’t copy his brother.

You are definitely not alone! My closest friends struggle too. Some teens are a bloody struggle. There are days I want to scream, its v distressing. But occasionally better days too. DS16.

I agree with disengaging and giving him freedom - except for a few necessities perhaps a few chores, curfews etc. Nagging about homework is just annoying to a teen, so personally I sympathise with teenagers who get really hacked off. If he doesn't do it, I agree with previous poster, his decision. Occasional encouragement and nudging near exams might be helpful but otherwise, let him get on with it. I'm sure if he's a star pupil he's pull out the stops himself.