What time do your teens have to come home of an evening?

[newdocket]

DD (13/y9) and DS (15/y10) have started to get into a lot of socialising. Which is great, but most of this seems to involve hanging around in streets and parks, which I don't feel is so great.

Tonight, DS has asked if he can go and meet some friends in the park at 10pm (it's half term here). My instinctive answer is 'No way!' but apparently 'everyone' is doing it and I am ridiculously strict. He alleges that some of his friends are out all night, which I can hardly believe.

What time do you/would you tell your teens they need to be home?

TIA!

I have a 14 DS and 16 DS. They do things with friends but it generally involves an activity ie cinema, going to park (but not at night), going for a burger, hanging out at someone’s house for a gaming night, sleepover or is an organised activity with Army cadets. That kind of thing. They go off on their own in the day and have return times. They do stuff in the evening, but if it were finishing late they’d be getting a lift home from a parent or I’d pick them up. I’d let my 16 stay out until late only on this basis. They definitely wouldn’t be going out at 10pm to meet friends in a park irrespective of wether it’s half term. There’s no purpose and it’s not a safe thing to do. It’s not strict either. I’d be concerned if my boys were hanging around at night like this and about what they’d be doing.

At 13 I knew where they were exactly at night, but allowed them to go to town/park until around 6pm. By 15 I didn't always know precisely but the park was off limits. Around here the teens all hang out at the grave yard in the church on Halloween and the Vicar (and his dog) keep an eye out and alcohol is forbidden, they all seem to obey the rules, favouring coke and sweets

DS14 is in by 9pm at the very, very latest. I am overly protective apparently but I don't care! I get worse in the winter when it's dark. I like it best when the weather is shit and he stays in and plays on his xbox so I don't have to worry about him

Thanks Wood, that is reassuring. I don't mind him being out late if he's doing something specific, like watching a film etc. But I agree with you that roaming the streets and/or hanging out in parks is not a good idea at all.

Thank you! Pleasing to know that I am perhaps not as awful/unreasonable as claimed!

No probs. A kid being out all night at that age? Bonkers. You’d wonder what their home life was like.

You have already said he has started to go out a long and this involves hanging around so I read that as you are already letting him?
Good idea to nip it in the bud, never let mine hang round at night unless they were going somewhere specific. Infact unless it was footie or running practice they never went out in the week after school. There is nothing out there at night for them as I used to tell mine.

I have a 15 year old ds. Absolutely no way is he allowed to hang around the park after dark. Neither are his friends.

He tells me about the fairly significant number of children in his school who stay out late (and gave done since year 9). They up to no good - started with vodka, now it's drugs.

He meets his friends during the day, hangs around the rugby club, or at other's houses in the evening. I either pick up, or the parent drops back.

Crimson, he has been going along but had been coming back before it got dark, or just after, which I was okay with. It's just in the last few days that his expectations have completely shifted. Was completely floored by the suggestion of meeting in the park at 10 and his insistence that this is completely normal. Definitely going to set some ground rules. Don't mind him being at a friend's until late (at the weekend) but do mind this park thing.

@stucknoue - "favouring coke and sweets"

...I hope you meant cola and sweets but I guess you can't be sure these days

No good ever comes of children hanging around a park after dark in my opinion.

I have these ongoing battles with my DD15 (year 11). Its always 'everyone" is allowed out later than she is. Weekends/holidays 10pm and if she isn't getting the bus or walking with someone I go and collect her. She simply doesn't understand how much I worry - cos when you're a teenager you're invinsible right?. She'll be 16 in December but I still wouldn't let her go out at 10pm to hang around parks. Your rules seem fair to me. It's such a difficult age, knowing not to restrict them too much but allowing freedom too. She's forever telling me I'm too strict and then I can hear and echo my own parents 'when you have your own children you'll understand ' - so very true! You have to do what you're comfortable with.

My son is 14 (year 10) and I wouldn't let him go to the park at 10pm! No chance! Luckily he's never asked. He goes out with his mates, I don't give a curfew as he seems to just get home around 8 without me asking. You're not being a bad parent by not letting him.

I have a 15 yr old. He can stay out until any time if it’s something specific, organised and we know where he is. He’s not allowed to roam the streets/parks and neither are his friends.

The old chestnut of everyone else does it! My dc are not this ‘everyone’ either and would not be in a park at 10pm

I've discovered that "'everyone" is allowed" typically means that just one or two best friends are allowed, and conversely that "no-one is doing that/going there etc." also means the same one or two.

In the holidays - I don’t mind as long as I don’t have to pick up - otherwise 11ish at the latest or I’m in bed!! Dh will
Pick up a bit later ie midnight on a Sat from a party.
They usually are doing something and not just hanging around outside in the winter at least (summer they may be in parks in the early evening esp ds who skateboards until it gets dark some weekends).
I can see us battling more w ds who is 15 and more of a typical teen than dd (now 17). I just like to be informed by 10pm
If they need to be picked up otherwise we don’t know if we can go to bed etc. I prefer to know before they go out really incase we want to go and have a drink.

We're having exactly the same issue with our 15 Yr old dd all her friends are allowed to hang out up town/park till 10pm or later we have been reluctantly allowing her until recently to go out till 9pm after I posted a similar post on here. I got the opposite response from you with parents saying I was too strict to make my dd be home by 8.30 so we upped it to 9pm. The kids in our area are getting a lot of bad press for anti social behaviour so now she's not to hang out in town/Park at all after dark. I've told her she can have friends over or go to places cinema etc but the streets are off limits.

Thanks for all the replies. We have some rules in place now re what is okay/what isn't. DS ended up agreeing that they were actually reasonable, after all that!

DS ended up agreeing that they were actually reasonable, after all that!
I read somewhere that lots of teens actually want you to say no to stuff that they know isn't safe or oversteps the boundaries. They kick up a surface fuss but deep down they're relieved and feel more secure and loved.

Absolutely. My mum banned me from hanging out in the local square and, when I was older, from a specific pub. I was so relieved!