Dilemma over message on DS's phone

[Theromanempire]

DS is 13 - whilst I haven't ever explicitly said that I would randomly check his phone, he knows that I could do as I know his code and I do check his messages periodically.

Anyway, he went out yesterday with some friends to an indoor football place. I dropped him off and he walked back a couple of hours later.

I checked his phone this morning and there was a message from one of his friends saying 'was your mum mad'? And DS response of 'I haven't told her'.

Part of me wants to ask him as I'm curious about what he did that I would be mad about but the other part thinks whatever it was probably can't be too major as he came home on time with some money left and is generally responsible. If he went somewhere else, I would probably be annoyed that he didn't tell me but not overly bothered (at his age, I was roaming all over with no way of letting my parents know!)

If I challenge him, he'll clearly clamp down on what he puts on his phone which I don't want, he doesn't actually go out with his friends that often so my instinct is to let this go as it's probably something and nothing. But I am annoyed that he is being deceitful but, again, I'm sure there was lots I did that I didn't tell my parents so not unusual for a teen!

Any advice on how to handle it?

I think don't say anything. If it was something serious, you will get to hear in good time. Whatever the matter was, if it was meant to be, it will come to light and you will hear through the proper channels.

I agree with you, if he thought you were actually looking on his phone, he might clam up altogether or begin deleting anything he did not want you to see.

I would text friend back saying "why would she be mad anyway?...."

I’m with @RedDiamond. Just be a bit more vigilant for the next few weeks. If it was eg sex/drugs/rocknroll then it won’t just be one message. Also to be fair his mate wouldn’t be asking if he’d told you - it’d go without saying!

My guess is that they sacked off football to sit in the park and do fuck all, and if you’d prepaid he’s worried you’d be cross, but that’s just a random guess!

He didn't necessarily do anything. He might have had something stolen, been bullied, been injured in football, had something broken. I would just be open to him coming to tell me but leave it at that.

In fairness to @SummerHouse I wouldn’t do that, he’ll find out and tbh it’s more duplicitous than just checking his phone which you’re well within your rights to do, will destroy the trust between you more than you just asking him...

Sorry @Dolly it was a joke but I realised actually some people would do that and so came back with a more sensible reply.

Ooh sorry @summerhouse, Cross post and my joke filter’s clearly not on right now!

(at his age, I was roaming all over with no way of letting my parents know!)

Well, exactly. Just leave it, evidently nothing bad has happened and if you hadn't looked you never would have known.

Presumably the point of you checking his phone is to make sure he's not drug dealing or porn addicted or a big worry, not just that he might have been a little bit naughty.

In fairness it wasn't very funny

Thank you for your responses which confirm my instinct which is to just let it go. I agree that they probably just wandered round somewhere else or popped over to the garage over the road to buy sweets (or to the Starbucks).

Yes I do just check his phone to check he's not up to anything serious or being bullied and I don't think this falls under either category.

I'll file it under normal teenage boy stuff in my head