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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do I stick to my guns and not clean DD's room while she is away?

16 replies

BathshebaE · 15/08/2007 20:52

After weeks of cajoling and nagging DD (15) - oldest of 2 DDs - has failed to clean room. Now she's on cycling holiday with DH. Have just been in her room - it's strewn with dirty laundry, clean laundry, towels and the bins (2!) are overflowing, probably with detritus from Auntie Flo. It stinks. Do I give in (sorely tempted) and tidy up B4 she gets back? I am so pleased with her going on the cycling trip and miss her terribly and want to welcome her home positively. But feel angry when I go near her now unoccupied bedroom. Not an urgent problem, I know, but wondered what other people think...

OP posts:
Earlybird · 15/08/2007 20:56

Think I'd empty the bins, and then close the door. Let her deal with it when she's back.

Ceolas · 15/08/2007 20:59

I think I'd do anything that needs doing from a health and safety perspective and leave the rest.

Personally wouldn't have let her go...

brimfull · 15/08/2007 21:04

I have a dd exactly the same and every time she goes away I end up cleaning her room.Don't know why I do it really .

I think you should leave it,including the bins,shut the door and let her come back to a festering dump,if that doesn't teach her a lesson then give up.

KNow what you mean about missing her and wanting to do something nice for her,I do aswell.

BE STRONG_DO NOT CLEAN IT

Neverenoughhandbags · 16/08/2007 05:20

Hi, I have a daughter like that and another who is very tidy. I think (no, I know!)I would clean it because a) it would drive me crazy knowing it was like that even with the door closed b)very unpleasant wrt contents of bin and most importantly c)because old habits die hard and I would be missing her as you are. It would not be very welcoming to return to her room as it is. On her return,could you establish some basic routines that must be done to keep things tidy at least, and some consequences if they are not done? That is my strategy though it is very hard trying to reinforce it with her!

potoftea · 16/08/2007 09:23

I know it goes against all "expert" advice, and she should learn to take responsibility for her own mess, but I would have to clean it.
Firstly it would drive me insane while she is off enjoying herself, I'd be at home stressed.
Secondly she may not even see this mess like you do. My dd17 looks so lovely and is so fussy about personal hygiene, but when I ask her how she can bear to live with the disgusting mess that is her room, she looks around and cannot see anything wrong with it. She says all her friends rooms are like this.
But it bothers me, it's my house, she couldn't care less, so I clean it up!

babygrand · 16/08/2007 09:29

I see the argument for leaving it, but personally I would tackle it while she's away - it's so much easier to clear it out while she's not there!

AndreaM · 16/08/2007 09:41

Message deleted

brimfull · 16/08/2007 10:59

I have told dd that I will remove her mouse ,thus leaving her computer useless ,if she leaves her room in disgusting mess again.
I haven't had to remove the mouse yet,she has improved but still no way near a tidy room ,atleast I can walk on the floor.

themoon66 · 16/08/2007 11:59

I think you'll end up cleaning it. I think she probably is blind to the mess. My two are.

WanderingTrolley · 16/08/2007 12:13

If the smell is penetrating the closed door, then go in and deal with the bins.

Otherwise, leave it, but plaster these all over the door, to warn unsuspecting visitors.

zippitippitoes · 16/08/2007 12:17

leave it unless it is depressing you

my 19 yr ds room is not able to be entered it has all the stuff he brought back from college which is twice as much as he took with him at the start of the year filling it on top of the mess that he never took away with him and he has been away in hongkong seeing his dad all summer..it is staying like that until he gets back..I did waver but have become strong again

lillypie · 16/08/2007 12:26

When DS1 WAS 15 I had a similar problem and he too went on holiday and left the mess (and the smell).While he was gone I went into his room with black bags,bagged everything up and threw it away.
When he came back everything had gone,and I refused to replace any of it so he had to get a Saturday job and a paper round to earn money to replace his things.
I never had this problem with him again,or ever with DS2.
They still love me

Original poster
BathshebaE · 16/08/2007 14:03

Thank you so much for all your help. I am new to MN so I am a bit overwhelmed. I just posted this last night, then got tired and went to bed. If only I had known there was so much help and support out there through all the years of perplexion and quandary! I think I will probably empty the bins for hygiene reasons and leave the rest. You're all brilliant - many thanks again.

OP posts:
batters · 16/08/2007 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scienceteacher · 16/08/2007 16:30

I'd take off the top layer, I think.

When she gets back, do it together.

brimfull · 16/08/2007 19:47

welcome to mumsnet bathshebae,I'm liking the black bin bag method from the poster below!

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