13 year old DS and girlfriends

[Basilandparsleyandmint]

Struggling to know how to handle my just turned 13 year old DS.
He has been having “girlfriends” since he was 12 which involved lots of dramatic texting and declarations of I love you’s but no real meeting up etc so I let it be as it seemed fairly common amongst his peers.
He has now however somehow met a girl from another school ( he goes to an all boys Grammar) who hangs around with a bad lot- think older /troubled teens from troubled families ( I know this is as I work in a school and have inside info).
I still check his phone- so again lots of I love you texts but they are meeting up on way home from school and it’s now developing into hugging. Texts are now not as innocent with some sexual talk. This girl spends a lot of time on her own as mum works and I am worried.
I have had this girl and her older friend outside my house before. He has lied to his p.e teacher about feeling ill so he didn’t play an after school football match and to myself where he told me not come and watch him - so he could meet up with her. I discovered his lies.
I have told him she isn’t a good person to be friends with etc that the group she is with are troubled without giving too much detail.
I took his phone off him and told him he wasn’t having it back until i could trust him and he wasn’t having anything to do with her.
Phone given back and have of course after checking it’s still all going on.
I am so worried about where this will lead but clearly being hard on him hasn’t worked.
What do I do ?

i honestly don’t know why I bothered even actually asking for advice - sat there in your homes making sweeping judgements when I am trying to give facts but it’s hard writing what I want to say feeling worried knowing I will get a judgmental outpouring because I am concerned but wanting to see if wrong.
I am neither outdated/ judgmental or an overly protective parent and my language well that is a new one - really what is he official acceptable way of talking these days.
Write what you like am not looking back for further comments or advice as clearly I am just a terrible person

OP I think you're getting a rather hard time on this thread which isn't entirely fair.
13 is a peak age for truculent teens and raging hormones. It's not easy and sharing advice is a way to navigate the minefield.
A lot of this is out of your control. But what you can do is help your DS make good choices. Keep the lines of communication open and pick your battles.

I think the op has taken things too personally and respond a tad immature. There's been plenty of positive help and suggestions tbh

OP ask if she'd like to come round as so many others have said. If she's hungry and lonely she might welcome it. You'd clearly not ask too many questions that would embarrass her and your son but you can make a basic decision. And since you seem to have an inside track on the people she's apparently mixing with you do need to watch your tongue.

I don't think you should be checking his phone, prying into what he's doing. He's growing up and needs boundaries and some independence now. He is going to rebel even more if you keep prying. He has the right to see who he wants, especially in a few years once he's 16 and you cannot stop him seeing who he wants and doing what he wants.

You're not a terrible person, I should add, but he really needs privacy and boundaries from you at this time.

Op don't be feeling bad you have to think of your own child.
Yes you should check his phone he is only 13.
Relationship's don't always last too long at that age but if you try to keep them apart it will last longer and he will lie.
He is skipping football because he thinks this girl is better than football. He thinks he's in love.

Wow, some really out of order, judgmental posts on here. What an unfriendly place. The OP merely asked a question! I didn't feel she was being classist/snobby or giving the girl a bad name. She was typing what she understands to be the case. This is based on a knowledge of the situation none of you judgmental lot seem to want to give her the benefit of the doubt about how she knows.

I'm glad you're all perfect parents, totally unprejudiced and non-judgmental. Oh, wait...

You're not outdated or judgemental.

I agree edith the invite her over comments. Telling your son she's bad news will only make her exciting like forbidden fruit. Keep conversations open with your son about porn vs reality, peer pressure, assertiveness, consent, the law and his feelings.

*with not edith!