Attacked by my daughter again (physically)

[Baddaytoday1984]

My daughter is being a typical teenager , hormones all over the place , incredibly lazy, has a boyfriend who is 2 years older and she seems to spend most of her free time with him, it's quite hard to police. We just clash so badly at the moment . She is cocky and rude and just wants to sit on her phone and come abd go as she pelases. She doesn't have much contact with her father after we split 18 months ago. Tonight we had an argument as she said to me she never goes out with friends as I won't give her money anyway ? I brought to her attention she never asks me and I would give her some money if she would like to go , I'd be pleased to see her get out of her room to be honest ! After that she told me to just shut up and go away and and stormed upstairs slamming her door , I went up and said please don't speak to me like that to which she just kept screaming at me to shut up , with that I tried to confiscate her phone for talking to me like that , then she attacked me scratching my neck and back then disappeared out with the dog .

Came back 30 mins later and still refuses to talk as she says there is no point . Her bf knocked asking to see her and I said no because we need to sort this first.

I don't know where to start 😭

Sorry your DD has got physical with you @Baddaytoday1984. It is totally unacceptable and inexcusable behaviour. Hope you are feeling okay now, both physically and emotionally. For future arguments I would recommend leaving her alone when she storms up to her room, and waiting until later, when you are both calm, to discuss the situation and decide any consequences. I know it's so instinctive to want to pull them up immediately on their rude behaviour, but your DD did the right thing by removing herself from the initial conflict when she started being obnoxious. Following her to tell her off escalated the argument and unfortunately your DD lost control and attacked. I'm not excusing her actions, but hope this strategy would help stop it happening again.

My DD (14) is like a wee human volcano. She's had counselling to help her manage her anger. It's a work in progress and we still have many bad days, but on the whole things are improving. Previously she would follow me around the house screaming at me, and she could stay angry for hours on end. She's learning to recognise the signs she's getting angry and say she's needing some time out to calm down - and to listen when others need some space from her too (this part is more difficult for her ).

Hope this helps, and that your DD has apologised , or straight to the if needed!

How old is your daughter op?

She is 14

How about giving her an allowance so she doesn't have to ask for money? It will also help her to budget.

No excuse for violence, however she did try to remove herself and you followed her. Maybe next time let her calm down and then talk to her.

That's not behaving like a typical teenager, OP.

Are you both off for half term?

How about encouraging her to get a job.
Also sit down and talk about house rules. Mine had to cook one night a week, do their own laundry and share cleaning chores at that age.
We gave pocket money until they had a job, but their chores had to be done.
I was also known to fine $1 per towel I found on the bathroom floor.😎
Good luck 💐

Op I think you need to set some ground rules. The stuff she wants - phone, seeing her boyfriend- all needs to be contingent on her doing chores and her schoolwork and behaving respectfully towards you. She could also do some extra jobs round the house if you have any to earn some extra cash or you could just give her some money if she made plans with friends.

You both need to sit down calmly to discuss this but you are the parent and this is not normal teen behaviour, speaking as the mother of a 14yo dd. Get the ground rules in place now, it'll be harder to do the older she gets.

Wishing you strength.