DS14 has a girlfriend and I’m terrified of pregnancy/STDs

[teamthirteen]

My DS is 14 (15 in a few weeks) and has a girlfriend who is very soon to be 14. They’ve only been ‘together’ a couple of weeks. We’ve had the full chat about sex, contraception, STDs, consent, which I’ve always been open and honest with him about. I’m just terrified, perhaps irrationally that she’s going to end up pregnant or he’ll get an STD or something. It may because I was a young mother myself to him, so I’m worried about history repeating itself.

Anyone else dealing with their teen sons having girlfriends? It’s a whole new territory to me and I feel so anxious.

I feel anxious all the time even when they are out.
But we have to let them grow up, you can't stop him having a girlfriend until you feel ready as he will only lie to you then.

Just tell him if he is going to be having sex to protect himself and the girl.
They don't all want to have sex just because they are dating.
Buy him condoms so he has protection.

This won’t make you feel very relieved OP, but at that age and through to about 22, neither me nor my friends used to ever use protection during sex. Very naïvely we truly didn’t think we’d ever be unlucky enough to fall pregnant and thank god none of us did but we thought we were invincible at that age

@marinemarie I don't think that's the norm. I never knew of any friends when I was a teenager that didn't use protection. It was seen as the done thing to use protection.

@Marinemarie same for us (except I was 16 when having my first!)

OP, maybe you could try (in a non-embarrassing or intrusive way) try and speak to the girls mum? Maybe that'd give you peace of mind and help all adults be there to support/advise them.

Her mum may be having the same talks and the same worries and she may already be on contraception?

@Russell19 depends on the individuals I suppose. At my school it was seen as a joke or rebellious risk-taking to not use protection. The lads used to show off about it to their mates

@spice3 I have made contact with her mum and she seemed very sensible in her approach to things too so that did reassure me. I guess I’m still worried about what could happen, I just want him to be safe but I know there is only so much I can do.

As parents, we'll always worry, but it sounds like you have a good relationship with your DS @teamthirteen. He's told you he has a GF - lots of teens tell their parents nothing.

Good advice from @mcmen05 - they are very young, and hopefully won't be ready for a sexual relationship just yet (so don't panic!), but ensure he has condoms and hope he will use them when the time comes.

Unfortunately, my experience tallies with that of @Marinemarie. I would've expected DD and her friends to be better prepared (more informed,less embarrassed), but sadly have not found this to be the case - same risks taken as our generation, and morning-after pill commonly used.

Thank you @Staywithmemyblood

Anyone else got any insight or experience into dealing with this stuff?

I assume you’ve also told him it’s illegal and that he could be held responsible for supporting any child created? I also hope you’ve told him it’s perfectly normal not to have sex under sixteen?

Yep @CherryPavlova I’ve told him it’s illegal and that there is no rush to get sexually active, that although his body might feel ready emotionally he is still very young.
I’m going to get his Dad (we aren’t together) to have another chat one on one with him as maybe it’ll all sink in a bit more coming from him.

"Just tell him if he's going to have sex to protect himself & the girl."

Before that why not advise that the best way to protect a 13 yr old girl is not to have sex? She's way off the age of consent even if he is a minor too. You're planning a conversation your DS it needs to cover more than practicalities.