17 year old son using cannabis

[Las28]

Hi
I am looking for help and advise. My 17 year old son is using cannabis. He is doing really well, holding down a full time job getting up every morning. He is sociable and talks well with us so really proud of how well he is doing with he next stage of life. But my concerns are his cannabis use and bringing it into the house even when have spoken to him on several occasions and letting him know we do not want it in the house
It is so obvious when he brings it in the house as it has a very distinctive smell but he will lie to our faces and say he hasn’t but when we search his room we find it. This process just repeats
I know cannabis use can be normal behaviour but it is the constant lies he tell us and should I be concerned about him bringing it in the house
Sorry for waffling on but just don’t know what to do any more
Thanks for listening

Both my DD and DS have smoked cannabis - as you say its normal in teens. We talk about it openly and neither are really mad about it - my DD dislikes the culture around it but might have a puff now and again, my DS doesn't like it. I personally feel that not making it into the crime of the century enables us to have honest conversations about it. I smoked it at their age and wasn't much of a fan - I knew a few guys who with overuse ended up with quite serious mental health issues as a result. I will mention that from time to time but I dont go overboard about it. I dont want to add to the glamour of its being disapproved of and illiict. I prefer that they have made up their own minds and are sensible. This is important for when you are not around or they leave home.

I'm not sure that searching your child's room helps with trust and openess. I wouldn't like that being done to me. My DD's boyfriend's Mum did that to him regularly (and got him arrested). It severely damaged his relationship with his Mother who he now calls a psycho. With good reason I think.

Perhaps you need to re-set the dial for a more adult relationship with him. He is obviously not going to tell you the truth now if you are policing his room and his privacy. He is 17! He could easily be living away from home in a year and doing what the hell he likes. Sure have rules for no smoking in the house but leave it that. I guess I have a no smoking in the house rule - though I've never actually said that to anyone! They just observe it.

this 'normal' behaviour is of course illegal if you are in the UK. And the stuff is called 'dope' not 'intelligent' as proven by his consistent lying.

This normal behaviour fuels county lines, cuckooing of the vulnerable, knife crime and the odd death of a posh kid at a festival which may bother MN more.

if he wants respect and privacy, perhaps he could stop treating you with such contempt?

I hope you have at least cut off all funding so he pays for his own crime.

sorry, but I have seen cuckooing and the idea on MN that drug use is a victimless crime is NOT the case.

if hes doing really well with all the main things in life, then id count your blessings tbh and do a dont ask dont tell thing.

I found out recently that my 18 year old DS is smoking it too. I really, really don't like it, but have decided not to make a big deal of it, unless I start to see it's having an impact on his behaviour. He insists he only does it at weekends, etc and not all the time, it's not a lifestyle thing. My argument is that everyone starts like this. I know many, many people smoke cannabis when they're young (I did mysefl) and it doesn't become a habit/ lead to harder drugs, but it does for some. However, while I'll never be accepting of it, I'm not going to argue with him about it or makes threats, etc, as I think the most important thing is to protect our relationship.