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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

How do you know when to let your teen fail and when to push?

5 replies

Whitewalkerslayer · 02/10/2019 19:37

My 17 year old DD has started college last year and in spite of being bright, she is well on her way to failing / being kicked out of college. I think confidence is an issue. She won't accept any responsibility for her behaviour. Her friendship group is low achieving and low work effort and she seem to be doing her best to mirror their failure. Quite a few of them have dropped out. She lies all the time. She is smoking weed and it appears to be a very regular thing. I have caught her with weed several times and can smell it on her almost every day. She is not eating well` and constantly falling asleep - post smoke snooze I suspect. She spend hours on really heavy makeup - contouring etc yet her clothes are dirty. Her grades are starting to fail and we are butting heads on everything. I blame myself and I am miserable, she is miserable and we cant seem to break the cycle of conflict. I have tried to see if she will talk to someone but she wont. Does anyone have any advice, has anyone managed to salvage their relationship from this point? I am losing the will to live.

OP posts:
Loveislandaddict · 02/10/2019 19:42

Young Lives

Don’t know whether this organisation can help.

Can you take small steps? Go for a walk? Encourage new hobbies?

Does she like her course? Encourage her to find a new course? Or a job?

Frenchfancy · 02/10/2019 19:43

Where is she getting the money from for the weed? I think my focus would be on that rather than the work. Does she have a job? Is there any volunteer work she could do relevant to her future goals?

lljkk · 02/10/2019 20:03

Weed saps them of ambition. Changes personality (sorry).
I wonder if a strategy to try to boost her self-esteem would help.
You don't sabotage your life if you want to conquer the world (and think that you deserve to).

Whitewalkerslayer · 02/10/2019 20:55

Thank you for your replies. I think she is using her lunch money. We are now limiting, her access to money. I have a concern about how dependent she is and how else she might fund it. She doesnt have a job - she is looking for one...allegedly. I will contact Young Lives, I am willing to try anything. The weed is definitely changing her she is horrible to be around.

OP posts:
Whitewalkerslayer · 04/10/2019 06:54

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