Bad friendship?

[Gigimum]

My daughter received her first ever detention yesterday. She's in Y11 and has never been told off at school for behavioural issues before. She has always been quiet and struggled with friendships. She used to hang out with a nasty group of girls who always put her down and made her feel terrible. She had no confidence and would often come home very upset. About a year ago she had enough and cut herself off from these so called friends and made some new friends. Her transformation to a confident happy girl has been amazing, she is now a different child. The detention yesterday was for defiance and being rude to a teacher. I was surprised when I got the notification about the detention and the reasons so I rung school as this is so out of character for her. The teacher I spoke to said she agreed this was not her and she had not been the rude one but was with a group who were being, so they got the detention as a collective. I was then advised that the people she hangs out with are trouble and to try and steer her away from them. I have not see this with her new friends, they are always so polite and there never is any trouble, they treat her with respect and she is happy for once. I don't really know them as we live a fair way from school and nowhere near her friends. Do I steer her away or let her be?

[Alexandrite]

What does your dd say about the friends and what happened yesterday?

[Gigimum]

She explained the detention and told me two of her friends were being mouthy to a teacher after they were told off for doing something another teacher said they could. She said they are quite argumentative and the teachers don't seem to like them. I didn't tell her about being told to steer her away from them. She did admit they do things at school she doesn't always want to do, like going out of bounds, but nothing serious and said when she says she doesn't want to do them they call her a pussy, etc, but don't force her to do them but she does feel like if she doesn't she will be sat alone. I asked her if they were trouble and she said no more than anyone else in the year group.

[Alexandrite]

It's a shame she doesn't hang out with nice kids who aren't rude to teachers. In any school there will be some nice kids, but it's difficult as you can't force her to hang out with nicer ones.