Depression as a badge of honour

[Harperhan]

My 13 year old son has had a lot of social issues and has been bullied in the past. I therefore check his phone once in a while to make sure all is good. He is an emotional closed book and just won’t talk if there is an issue.

What is worrying me is that lately several children in his peer group are throwing round the word “Depression”. For example my son said to a girl he likes ‘By ignoring me like this you are making my depression worse.’ Other friends write messages to him talking about their depression. It just feels to me that they are mistaking being upset with depression and that it is cool thing to have. I had depression for years so know exactly what it is like and my son is definitely not depressed.

My question is do I bring this up with him? I am worried he will fly of the handle and think I am invading his privacy. Or do I speak to the school and forewarn them about the things these children are saying, so they could may be do a group session about it.

Any help gratefully received.

Teenagers embrace attention-seeking drama : Who knew?

I recommend don't downplay their feelings by comparing with your own. Their feelings bother them, that's all they can know. Don't get pedantic about precise definition of depression.

I could imagine saying

"Do you know what emotional blackmail is? Can I explain to you why it's unfair?" But don't quote your son's words at him, come up with another example to demonstrate the principle.

"Do you sometimes think people wallow in talking about their low mood rather than try to figure out real solutions to start feeling better?"

Ask him his opinion & help him puzzle out good ways of dealing with unhappy feelings, and what the appropriate boundaries are sharing them with others (saying you have them is mostly fine, blaming others for them is not so good). You want to help him develop the skills to make good or at least better choices.

Teenagers embrace attention-seeking drama : Who knew?

So true, around 18 months ago ds(15) was upset and reluctant to come off his phone for bedtime. A bit of probing found out he had two friends he was trying to talk down from self harming that night. Them it came out nearly all his friends were doing it (or not 🙄).

He couldn't understand and was really upset they were all allegedly doing it. It took a bit of explaining most of them weren't, they were looking for attention, how pretending would cause problems for those that really were and needed help, and if he genuinely thought any of his friends were self harming he needed to get them to tell an adult or tell for them so they could get help.

Thankfully it was a flash in the pan, and those pretending for the attention stopped within a couple of weeks.

I see where you're coming from. I have a 19 year old niece, who , whenever there's even a tiny bit of stress , says she can't cope, it affecting her "mental health " she's Aanxius " or she's " depressed ".... from the outside looking in, it looks to me like poor coping strategies rather than actual mental health issues.
I may be wrong but i think mental health awareness has created a generation of no copers!
I feel genuinely sorry for people with real mental health issues ( I.personally know a few with depression, severe anxiety , bipolar,) and it's like their real issues are lessened by some off the light weights around at the moment.
Maybe I'm being cruel, but I feel some, not all, teenagers have poor coping strategies.
I wonder is it because they've got everything so easy and the big real world is all a bit too much.???
My own kids are reaching that time in their lives and are very prone to drama , I'm trying to de-escalate it and down play things while still being sensitive to their feelings.....not sure how it's going to work out , it a tough balance trying to be empathetic and giving some tough love also ....
Some advice from more experienced mum's of teenagers would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for your responses. I am finding these teenage years a challenge. One minute they are friends the next they are being horrid to each other. They then use blackmail to get back at each other. My parenting instinct is to protect but my head says forget about it all as they are teenagers. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

It's time to bring back the word sad.

cdtaylornats, I totally agree.

Does your ds know you check his phone?

I'd be less bothered by the casual use of the word depression, and more bothered by the emotional blackmail he's using to get a girl he likes to pay attention to him. That really isn't ok.