My teenage daughter isn't speaking to us and while it is not pleasant, I am fucked if I am going to make the first move. I know that makes me sound ridiculously immature but hear me out. She is almost 18 and while she can be a great girl sometimes, she cannot bear to be criticised. Any attempt to get her to pull her socks up seems to turn into a knife fight. She is really lazy, is vile to her younger sister (EVERY THING seems to be her younger sister's fault and she tells us, in earshot of her sister, that she hates her and she hates living with her) and is so arrogant! We had a blazing row with her last week over her laziness, because we are really concerned she isn't going to make the grades she needs for uni and has no plan b and over her attitude, yet again, to her sister and the constant rowing it causes. She was vile in the way she spoke to me and her father, so there is no concillitory moves from us, her phone has been taken off her and we are doing the bare minimum for her (ie, no lifts to her mates houses, etc). I have to admit, I am enjoying not dealing with her constant bull shit. I have loads of free time, I am getting a lot more work done (I work from home), there is no arguing between the kids as she seems to think that if she ignores me and talks to her sister, I will be really upset, and I can have an evening of peace in my own living room when DH goes out! DH has put her on notice that yes, as she keeps pointing out, she will be an adult in January and that means she doesn't get the privileges of a child, not that she can do what she likes while we fund her, as she seems to think. So if she fails her exams, she needs to find a plan b. If she keeps treating myself and her sister like shit, she moves out. And if she wants a phone, she can find a job. I am a bit upset, because when we are getting on she is great, but I have been treading on egg shells to make sure we get on. Her behaviour isn't changing and we are all more than a bit fed up. I hope the fact that we are not backing down gives her a bit of a kick up the arse and she at least studies, but honestly, I am not feeling hopeful. DH says I have done too much handholding and she needs to get on with things without being dragged along by me. I think he is right but I hate the thought of her failing her exams. Did standing back work for anyone on here? DH thinks if she wants to be an adult, let her. We can' force her to do anything and perhaps failing her exams next year might be a wake up call that she needs to work at things. And we are exhausted from arguing and the huge, awful fights that blow up every couple of months. She doesn't have a job and never has and won't volunteer at anything, which isn't going to look good to a uni or any future employer. Admittedly, we live in a very rural area where jobs are hard to come by but she doesn't hussle. Again, we have both made sure she never suffered for not having a job, always had nice clothes and money to go out with her friends, so we are to blame for that as well.