What time do you let 16yr old DS stay out till

[kav26]

That really. What time do you let your 16 year old sons out till?

Just had an argument with ds 15 cos I make him come in at 10.
He said next year when he's 16 and left school no way is he coming in at 10!
Told him my house my rules!

We’ve never really set a time because we’ve never had to - 10pm on Friday/Saturday seems to be the norm amongst DS and his friends.

He’s normally phoning us at about 9.45 asking can we set off to collect him.

If he’s dropped off by another parent he’s always home by 10pm.

Is he Y 11? At that age about 10- 10.30 was usual during term time unless it was a special event/party. Ds never complained, most of his friends had similar times they were expected home.

Depended on the night of the week and what the event was. Weekend cinema where films finished later I would pick him up around eleven.
School nights were nine thirty pm max.

I agree with a PP. 9:30

Saw this article today told my dd to stay out of this area and she did but was hanging out In a similar area playing loud music Dancing and singing near a housing estate.
I went out for a walk with Dh and went to the area where her snap map was shown to see if she was lying to me as she was supposed to be babysitting. And she was lying.

I said would you like if you lived In one off them houses and that noise was behind your house.
We took her home at 8pm because she lied about where she was.

At 16 they didn't have a curfew. Even a trip to the cinema would be off the cards if they had to be in at 10pm!

I think 'my house my rules' is a measure of exercising unnecessary control.

Yes they have to live respectfully under your roof, but be home by 10pm at 16? Too much.

I agree with a PP. 9:30

For a 16 year old?

Mad. They would literally be able to do nothing. How constricting. Mine were out playing golf later than that when the nights were light. A trip to the indoor skate park was usually 8-10pm; as above the cinema would see them home later than that. Even a meal out in a restaurant if they had to bus to the city/nearby town would be later than 9:30 home time.

Do your teens get any freedom to enjoy themselves?

He's not 16 he's 15. I make him come in at 10 now.
I was asking what time do people allow their 16 year olds out till. Due to an argument about times me and ds had earlier.

Yes I know they need to have a life. At 16 i was out in night clubs in the town centre. My parents didn't have any phones or anything to track me or see when I was going to be back.
BUT back then we didn't have all the gangs and knife crime going on like there is now.

I know he is. You said he told you he won't be coming in at 10pm and you told him your house your rules.

I haven't misunderstood what you said.

We live in walking distance to the places where DS meets his friends. If he is going to be walking home on his own, I want him back by 10. If he has a stay over in a weekend (here or with his friends) they need to be back at 12 but they normally show up just past 11.

Having said that. If you had asked me when he was 15, I would have sworn he was never ever EVER going to be allowed to come back so late, but he seemed to have turned into a young independent adult after he completed his GCSEs. I would like him to be back much earlier but it feels wrong to force him to return long before his friends. I am consoling myself with the idea that it is better for him to learn to manage his time and take care of his safety while he is under my watch than sending him away to uni not knowing how to keep safe on his own.

@joblotbubble yes I told him my house my rules which now does seem a bit harsh. I'm just trying to think of a reasonable time for him to come in at that age.
At the moment I don't feel he's mature enough to not have a curfew.
I'm hoping by then he's grown up a little and more mature so I can trust him more.
I feel need to stop being a worrier

10 was the latest I could be collected, any time after that id stay at a friend's. On Wednesdays we'd all stay at a friend's house and do GCSE revision, and eat Chinese food. Then get the bus to school in the morning. same at weekends, we'd sleep at someone's house and the mum's would alternate the late pick ups if there was a party.

My 16 year old has had broadly the same group of very sensible friends since Reception so I am more lenient, he doesn't go out on a school night but Fri/Sat he is home between 10.30 -11. Not sure what I'll do when 13 year old ds gets to similar age as his friends are awful!

I'm just trying to think of a reasonable time for him to come in at that age

Be flexible depending on where he is/what he is doing/what he has on the next day. No point making him come home at a specified time if he is doing something that requires a later home time. In the same vein, if he is simply hanging about with mates rather than doing anything specific, I would suggest he is home much earlier.

In the week they don’t really go out as have to be up early for school (6.30). If they do go out it’s to a gig or something organised so
I don’t mind the very odd late night on a weeknight.
There’s no specific curfew at weekends but I want to know by 10.30 if I (or dh) need to pick up or if I can go to bed. Midnight would be the latest to be picked up though otherwise we are too tired. As long as I know they’ve got a safe way of getting home then there’s no specific curfew time wise for a sat night.,