Unhappy teen!

[Flicketyflack]

Probably goes without saying but my teenage daughter is so sad and unhappy most of the time.

Thing is I am not sure how 'normal ' this is.

She says she hates everyone at school, she does not like anyone.

Her reports are good, she does all her homework without complaining but she seems unhappy socially.

I have checked out her feelings with her and listened and listened and listened but we are no further forward.

Any words of wisdom?

Hi what age is your dd. Can you get her to do an outside school activity as sometimes they can make better friends with people with the same interests.

It could be normal or not. Are you sure bullying is not going on (since she hates everyone at school?

How old is your daughter? Besides homework, what is she doing during the day? When you talked what did she said?
We need more info to give some advice.

My 15 year old vas very similar. She was unhappy, miserable, felt she did not fit in. Her grades were always fabulous, but everything else wasn't. It turned out her so called friends were being constantly horrible to her, a lot of mental bullying. She felt at the time these were her friends and she'd be alone without them so never said anything. She got to the point where she had enough and cut them out. Its a year on now and She has found new friends and is now a different child, confident and happy, the change is amazing. There may be an underlying problem she doesn't want to tell you, we talked a lot and one day it all just came out. I'd keep talking and listening to her. I hope you can sort things out, i really feel for her.

It depends what you mean by normal. It's normal in the sense that, yes, some teens sadly do feel like this, but IMO it's more common not to feel this way.

Could you help her gain confidence socially? Eg encourage her to ask a couple of friends out to the cinema in half term?

Agree with pp that activities outside school can help. Is she sporty? How about guides or Duke of Edinburgh?

would it be worth discussing a change of school? A new environment and new people might made a difference. We are going through something similar with our dd2, who feels lost at her school and although she has a group of friends she feels less popular than her peers and left behind. She is doing counselling and staff feel its more of a self-esteem issue than a social issue. I agree that her self esteem seems to be in tatters. Her school work is very good despite all this. We are looking at moving schools as an option but more to let her see what is out there rather than a belief its a magic solution. We are encouraging her to try clubs but beware of giving unsolicited advice, it doesn't help. I'm doing my best to be supportive whilst keeping my mouth shut. Not that easy! It's early days for us. Good luck to everyone going through this. Definitely true you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.

I think your responses help identify some of the issues she may have, it is so difficult to identify what is being a teen and which is more deep routed ☹️

My DD, at 15, changed from being a happy, focused, upbeat kid to being disinterested, negative, unhappy girl. We passed it off on exam pressure, skin problems, school problems, work problems, anything we could think of but a year later she was still crying over nothing so we took her to see a therapist. She has had several sessions with this woman and has changed massively. She is still not the girl she was though I expect that is to do with growing up too. She is more upbeat again and more able to cope.

It has been a really distressing experience. And shocking too, the extreme change in her but equally great to see the positive changes too and to realise There is help available and it is not that unusual in teenagers.

I only wish I had not waited so long. OP I would look into what services are available to help your DD.

You could a) help her try make some new friends - outside school perhaps, b) consider ifvshe eould see a counsellor, but a possible downside of that is it risks locating the problem within her when it may be a shitty friendship group. But a counsellor could help her identify some practical changes - is there one at school or c) you couldcread up a bit about cbt and low mood yourself (I wouldn't at this stage start giving her self help books). Exercise also good for lifting mood, does she do much physical activity? If not would she consider a new hobby?

Also would she let you talk to her head of year or form tutor? They might have ideas

I think it seems to be friend related and I have noticed that she projects all of her dislike on too one person at a time. One week it is Sarah who is all to blame and next week it is Jane.
She is very loyal to her friends and expects the same in return which often is not what happens
She does not consider herself to be part of the 'cool' gang and does very well academically. As a consequence she feels 'dumped on' as people always want her homework and are dismissive about how 'easy' she must find everything (she doesn't she just works really hard!)
She plays sports outside of school too.
🤷‍♀️ What to do?