My 16 year old son - I feel so sad

[MyMessyHouse]

My 16 year old son really isn't very nice at the moment.
He's never had many friends and we've tried all we can to help him. He says he wants friends but he also can't be bothered to meet up with them. He spends most of his time on xbox and phone in his room. Again we've always tried to encourage sport/clubs etc buts he's never wanted to go.
He's miserable, rude, doesn't want to spend anytime with us at all and seems to generally hate our company.
We're a nice family, he has 2 younger siblings and have always treated them with love, made sure they're not spoiled etc.
Anyway, a friend came over yesterday with her son who's a similar age. The son was so lovely, chatty, funny and loved sitting with us adults and having a conversation . I tried to get my son to come down and socialise, he refused and stayed in his room. The boys have known each other since they were young so not as if he were a stranger.

Anyway, I just felt so sad that Ive been comparing my friends son to mine and wishing mine was more like him. I love my son dearly and feel so guilty that I actually prefer the company of my friends son.
I just wish he could be happy, we try to talk to him, but he just won't engage at all with us.
It's so draining, it's consuming my thoughts all day. I just don't know what to do.

Oh you poor thing, I do sympathise. Your son sounds pretty normal to me, he'll outgrow the sullen, monosyllabic phase eventually and you may even find he may turn out to be much more friendly than your friend's kid. They're all different, mymessyhouse (my house is messy too). It really doesn't do to compare one to the other.

All will be well.

He definitely could be being a "typical" teenager. But do you think DC could also be struggling with something else - depression, anxiety, or just stress due to exams etc?

Thank you, yes I've thought about depre2, anxiety etc. But he just point blank refuses to discuss anything with me or my husband. Have even tried asking my father who is used to be close to, to talk to him, but he just said he's fine.
I just don't like him very much at the moment. And feel so guilty for thinking that. I'm also torturing myself by looking at cute pictures of him when he was small , when we were close and he was happy.

@MyMessyHouse is your son allowed social media? Most kids that age socialise online and make friends like that now, snapchat, Instagram

In my experience all of mine were lovely with other people's parents but barely managed a grunt at home. Honestly it is normal and he will get through it and one day your lovely lad will be back . Just keep the lines of communication open and give it time x

Try not to compare , all teenagers go through different things . You don’t know what the circumstances of your friends parenting style is. She could have bribed him , or warned him
Implicitly to be on his best behaviour ... or yes he could be really charming and social. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your son at all. Keep doing what you’re doing, try and gently pull him
Away from the screen , get outside for a bit and be there .
Sounds like a typical teenager to me.

Could the Xbox be exacerbating the issue?

Sounds fairly normal, try reading ‘get out of my life but first take me and Alex into town’ that might reassure you. It’s on amazon. Basically 95% of teenagers hate their parents, it’s preprogrammed into them! Do you remember the hellloooo mrs pattison Harry Enfield sketch? Where perry is lovely to mrs pattison then his mum rings and he talks to her like shit! Have a look for it if not. Don’t worry it’s him not you, 😁 you’ll get him back eventually, and then you will be better placed to deal with the next 2 when they turn horrible.

This was my DS a year ago, and I did what you did, comparing him to others, trying to coax him out etc, etc. Nothing worked but he has started to turn the corner now, thank goodness.

Tiny glimpses of a nicer person have become more frequent and he's even laughed once or twice!

Don't despair, he will come out of it eventually.

Sounds quite normal.
But I would have insisted he came down, when friend with ds were there.

Thanks for the replies. He's such hard work at the moment. Take me back to the baby days, I used to think they were hard, I knew nothing!
I'd love to hear from people who teens have come out the other end. I keep imagining he's going to be like this forever.

Not a doc bjt he could have social anxiety by the sounds of things... got to be careful when saying "normal teenage things"... You can't sweep things under the rug!!

My son exactly same . He is starting to come out shell more now he started college tho