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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What do you with your time now you have teenagers?

26 replies

akmum18 · 14/09/2019 18:40

Sorry if it’s the wrong place, I’m struggling to accept my children are growing up and don’t ‘need’ me anymore. I’m looking ahead and wondering what I’m going to do with myself when they are moving out/off to college or uni etc.
I’m a single mum and have been for 6 years roughly, I have no interest In meeting anyone.
I work but don’t enjoy it so I am looking for something else.
I have a few close friends but they have young children (I had mine young and this is the age most are starting their family) so I don’t see them very often as they’re busy.
A lot of people I have spoken to say it’s the best time, you have ‘me time’ whenever you want, money to spend on yourself, nights out without needing a babysitter, you can go on holidays etc etc. None of that applies or appeals to me. I know I’m going to be very lonely and the thought scares me. Still in my 30s and I don’t feel ready to be a single middle aged mum with no hobbies, life or prospects, just working full time and coming home to an empty house.
What do you mums do/plan to do?

OP posts:
gyrur · 14/09/2019 23:28

you will probably need to find a hobby to stop yourself being lonely or may be an exercise class

Titsywoo · 14/09/2019 23:33

I am taking advantage of the extra free time I'm getting as my kids grow up! Dh and I started a business which we run part time from home. I also volunteer for a few hours each week and I have an allotment which I love. Also trying to fit in time for sewing but I find there is never enough time to fit everything in. My kids are early teens though. I also try and see friends at least twice a month.

Newearringsplease · 14/09/2019 23:33

Mine are 14 and 18 I still cant move for them, they follow me everywhere

Bluestripeddress · 15/09/2019 09:05

That’s very odd Newearring....I’d be worried about that!

Trewser · 15/09/2019 09:07

My teens needed me just as much but in a different way. I do have more free time so I've started yoga and running

user1474894224 · 15/09/2019 09:07

Can you volunteer. There is always a need for school governors - we get great training in our area so I get a lot out of it too. Our local scouts are also really keen for new helpers particularly at Beaver age as the waiting lists to join are huge. Is there anything like that you could do?

ssd · 15/09/2019 09:09

I sit on the couch. In silence. It's great.

pamperramper · 15/09/2019 09:19

Learn a language and a musical instrument?

Branster · 15/09/2019 09:20

Maybe consider a part time job instead and use the rest of the time to: volunteer or support in an area you are really passionate; start a business; re-train for the job of your dreams.
Get a dog maybe?
Learn a new language, musical instrument, skill just for fun.
You are still young in your 30s so the world really is your oyster, make the most of it.
The children will always need you in some ways but you did your job as a parent to make them become independent so they don’t physically need you to do practical stuff for them. I’d say that’s a very well done job!

SeaSidePebbles · 15/09/2019 09:31

I can now afford the time to do more postgrad courses in peace.
I have one of those careers where you can keep on specialising, post grad courses have always been really really hard to fit in around chid, childcare, full time job, housework etc.
Now I have the luxury of not having to worry about DD, I can just attend the course and do the work. Bliss!

I can just fo for a run, whenever I feel like, 30 minutes, she probably wouldn’t even notice I’m gone if I didn’t tell her.
I go to theatre, to book club, to concerts, swimming, seeing friends.
What would you like to do?

joblotbubble · 15/09/2019 09:40

Mine are 14 and 18 I still cant move for them, they follow me everywhere

That’s very odd Newearring....I’d be worried about that!

Meh, it may not be the average parent teen relationship but it's by no means odd or anything to worry about Hmm

One of my DD's was always with me as a teen. She grew up just fine and left for uni last year without any suffering! I loved the close bond we shared in the teenage years; you can't have the years back. I would hate to be looking back on those times and seeing battles and arguments the whole way. We did a lot together back then and we both loved it.

Don't be so quick to put people down because your experience is not theirs.

Pennyjane89 · 15/09/2019 09:42

My kids still wanted to be with me and at home when they were teens and we still have an amazing relationship now they’re adults.
Why is it ‘odd’ to be close to your kids? Jealousy perhaps? Confused

JustDanceAddict · 15/09/2019 09:42

I posted something similar a while ago. My DCs are 15 and 17 and I seem to have a lot of free time at the weekends. I’m not a single mum but dh is busy w various commitments (work, family). I work too but it’s not as time consuming and I don’t have family commitments (I do have friends but obviously don’t see them all the time - everyone has their own lives too - we haven’t got a big ‘group’ where families meet up - and the family friends we did have we just see mainly as couples now).
Weirdly enough I started a new evening hobby once a week a few months go but i didn’t really enjoy it (became a chore rather than a joy) so have finished that. Week nights are still busy though doing the household chores!
Not sure what the answer is - I think maybe volunteering your time on weekends to a cause you support, meeting with your friends and their young kids (maybe even taking their kids out, my best friend did this occasionally for me), there are walking groups etc. It’s a question of being motivated and I think the worst thing is sitting around in front of TV/on phone - not good for mental health.
You’re only in your 30s so could change career, go back to college part time etc. I don’t really want to do that in my late 40s - plus we need the money from my job to put DCs through uni!
It’s a weird time when DCs grow up - you need to be there when they need you but it’s not the logistical mare of when you can’t go out without them or need to entertain them 24/7.

Newearringsplease · 15/09/2019 11:25

So it's odd that children love their mum Hmm

HerbsAreNotTheOnlyPlant · 15/09/2019 11:30

It is a leeeetle bit odd for an 18yr old (adult) to be following their mum everywhere and a 14yr old. It is. Really it is. Nothing to do with love or wanting to spend time with someone, but all the time?!

Mine are similar age. One loves to spend some time each day with me, one could be in the house with me all day (but usually isn’t they are usually out and about) and I still wouldn’t see them except for feeding times!

I don’t know anyone whose teens want to spend that much time with them. But maybe me and all my friends are the odd ones!

lljkk · 15/09/2019 11:32

Since you don't like your job much, what about planning how to move into work you like better? Plan and take the steps to get on that path.

I... Work FT+, lots of exercise, housework (coz didn't do much when they were small...). Comfortable in my own company so long walks by self, and kayaking.

My teens also talk to me a lot (mostly) & I am actually pleased about that. They certainly follow me around if they have something to say. I can tick as many crap parent boxes as you like, but at least I have teens that tell me about their lives.

Trewser · 15/09/2019 11:34

My dd is 19 and we do loads together. She's a perfectly normal, friendly teen.

HerbsAreNotTheOnlyPlant · 15/09/2019 11:42

Trewser - my dd is the one who is disinterested in spending any time with me. It’s hurtful and I hope she grows out of it!

I think it’s about finding that perfect balance between spending some time with them, all of the time with them or never seeing them but still paying for them and doing their laundry. Anyone who can provide the solution send it to Dragons Den and remember me in your will.

Justgivemesomepeace · 15/09/2019 11:42

Mines 17. She has friends and a boyfriend but still takes up loads of my time. Money to spend on myself? That's a laugh. She costs me a bloody fortune. Lifts, her sport, organising stuff like bus passes, bank account, CV to get a job, provisional driving licence. She is just starting college and needs support talking stuff through, new friends, subjects etc. Shes messy, I'm constantly picking up after her. Today shes asked for help with homework. Shes doing A levels, how she thinks I can help I don't know, but I'll try. Last time she asked for help with homework was yr 7! There are a lot of big changes for her and I just think she needs to know shes not facing it all on her own and I'm here if she needs me.

oldenoughtobehavebetter · 15/09/2019 11:48

How about learn a new skill? Some kind of evening class?

Also think volunteering good suggestion

Friendships tend to develop over time so something you do regularly with other people but socialising isn't the main focus

Topseyt · 15/09/2019 11:49

I could finally get a job again myself, walk the dog in peace, read books again etc.

I still do most of the family laundry (which I am happy to do) and cook most meals, although they do help out there.

I also have to do my fair share of driving for the "free taxi service of Mum and Dad" that teenagers so often require.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/09/2019 11:53

I now learn uke!

But mines a competitive swimmer so although 15 I haven't yet got that 'me' time.
Training 6 times a week (I go to gym), swim meets and galas etc all require my involvement.
But I also sit on the committee and volunteer as I don't need to 'mum' him as much now.

So I guess a hobby or volunteering. Being a governor for a school or even helping in hospital - league of friends committee etc.

Notcoolmum · 15/09/2019 11:58

I do yoga, Zumba and running during the week. Have started OLD and go out with friends. I also watch a lot of Netflix. My kids complain I'm never home 😂😂

EntirelyAnonymised · 15/09/2019 12:05

I sit on the couch. In silence. It’s great.

Grin ssd

Bluestripeddress · 15/09/2019 13:20

Nothing odd about teenagers loving their mum.....mine love me. But I do think it’s odd that a 14 and 18 year old follow you around everywhere! Very odd!