Teenage Drinking

[Aquestionforyouall]

Am a good few years off this stage myself but am sat in a park and just witnessed an older man hand two younger girls a bag obviously full of alcohol. Was too far away to make out ages of any of them but by their clothing I’d assume the girls were 14/15 give or take a year.

I did this exact thing as a teen and I know many many (not all) teens have/will do it.

I see the meme on fb about telling your mum you were at a friends when really you were in a field absolutely rat arsed and it’s true. It happened.

Just wondering what your approach will be to alcohol and teens? I’m not sure how to handle it when the time comes. I definitely don’t want to be that try hard parent buying the Bacardi breezers but don’t want to go too hard the other way either! Makes me sad to think of my kids outside in a park/wood being drunk but I know we certainly weren’t sad at the time when it was us!

I let Dd drink from 15 in moderation at home.
Obviously when she was out I couldn't control it.
We had two drunk incidents, one at 15, one at 17, other than that all was fine.
She's 18 now and doesn't live at home, can take or leave alcohol, was out the other night and had two drinks.

My two started to go to parties with alcohol when they were 15. Both are summer born, so a lot of their friends turned 16 before they did and it seems to be the norm to have alcohol at 16th birthday parties. On one occasion DS2 drank vodka and for in a state, but no other real issues. They're 20 and 18 now, both go out drinking at weekends, but not excessively.

Approaches from parents will be unique to each teen.

We are just hitting this stage with ds(15.5) in the last couple of weeks. Previously, for the last year or two we were aware some of his friends (not all) were drinking when they are out. He has had a couple of sips before but had decided he didn't like the taste and because there were other friends who also didn't drink at all it wasn't a big deal. He has told me friends get the drink before everyone meets up, they either get drink by going into town and asking random adults to buy for them from small stores and give them a few pounds for doing it, or their parents give them a couple of cans (presumably to avoid the former).

ds is becoming curious, so around 3 weeks ago we bought him some Strongbow dark fruits cider and he had a couple of cans at home.

Last week he was invited to a house party and took 4 cans with him (with guidance to drink 3 max) and came home with 2 as he wasn't bothered with it.

We have talked about the difference between social drinking and binge drinking on a night out, the positive affect of 2-3 cans of relatively low alcohol cider compared to Mad Dog/Dragon Soup. We've talked about how it is more grown up to responsibly drink what you like than drink something just because it is stronger, also the negative effect of too much alcohol. We have talked about the impact of alcohol on the developing teenage brain. He has seen friends, boys but mostly girls, very drunk (or pretending they are drunk) and isn't impressed with their behaviour and doesn't want to be like that. This week he went to another friends house and said he wasn't bothered with taking any even though some were.

So feel as if we are taking the right approach for now, but will adjust as needed depending on ds and how his relationship with alcohol develops. We are letting him take the lead for now as his approach has been sensible (so far!), but he knows if he comes home drunk or there are any problems we will rein him back in.

I did the same, I now can't believe people actually went in and bought us alcohol. Not a chance I would do that for kids on the street now, yet we were out every night doing it. Eventually some guys took over one of the shops and they would put drink up in the freezers at the back of the shop where the cameras didn't point, and we were to go up and take them out and hide them in our jackets.

I'm not sure how I will handle it. My df was very strict with me as a teen. I think thatade it more of a challenge for me to be honest. I was a wild child but they had no idea what I was getting up to most of the time. I would much rather my kids can be open and honest with me.

I am lucky in that my teens aren’t massively into drinking- DD who is 17 will drink at parties (vodka mainly) but hasn’t got really drunk yet. I buy low-ish alcohol for her to drink and would allow her to drink cider etc with a meal at home. She doesn’t like wine at all.
DS - 15 - has had a few drinks too but not on a regular basis and he also tells me ‘oh I had a beer at X’s.’ Again, not been pissed to my knowledge.
I don’t think I’m naive as if they were partying every weekend I’d expect them
To be drinking, but they’re not.
DD’s friends are turning 18 now, she’s got a party this weekend and it’ll def be drinking!! It’s sort of what I did. Didn’t get really drunk til I was 18 even though I’d drunk alcohol at home for a couple of years - Malibu, Baileys/sherry etc w my mum and cider at parties.,

Mine were allowed small amounts of wine/cider on special occasions at home from their early teens.

DS aged around 15 got really drunk on cider and vodka while hanging out in the park with friends, had to be helped home, threw up, and has never really been much of a drinker since. He will have the occasional beer or glass of wine but is really not bothered about it, and he went all through university hardly drinking.

DD is 16, and in the past year or so her friends have discovered alcohol (and some of them some other things as well). DD hates the idea of getting drunk, so will have a cider or two but not enough to get drunk. I bought some drinks for parties she had over the summer, but nothing stronger than cider; quite a few of her friends turned up with bottles of vodka. We only had one or two who overdid it, and from what she said they were the ones with stricter parents who hadn't had any alcohol before so didn't know their limits.

It depends on so many other factors. We let ours have cocktails on holiday from around 15/16 or at family dinners. DS almost 19 will party and come home merry but not wasted. Although now at Uni I’m hoping being used to be around alcohol he knows his limits.
Dd 17 has a take it or leave it. She has been going to parties for the last 2 years and doesn’t like seeing some of her friends completely drunk and losing control, which I think has stopped her. Plus she is quite self aware so doesn’t need alcohol to feel comfortable and mix. She has had a boyf for the last 2 years and his parents do not allow him to drink so when he has the opportunity he always goes too far, but whether that’s because it’s always been taboo or because he is quite shy and feels more one of the lads at a party after a few beers it’s hard to say.
I do think there is more pressure to try drugs and this is a bigger issue than alcohol at the moment. Almost all the parties Dd has been to someone has drugs. It’s extremely worrying they are far easier to get hold of than buying alcohol at 16.

See I really struggle with people allowing moderate drinking at home. Alcohol is incredibly underestimated as a drug...and it is a drug.

I don't think allowing a child who is still growing to drink is ever a good idea.

I know there's an accepted idea that it's better to let young people experience drinking sensibly in a safe environment so they don't go ott out in the real world but I don't think that works particularly.

I think about 17 is a good age to have a taste of alcohol. 15 is still too young. There's no NEED for it at that age.

DS is 15 and has been allowed to take a bottle of cider to parties/ BBQ's for about the last 6 months.

My kids just turned 16 over the summer. I have bought them a couple of bottles of cider to take to parties - it's pretty normal around here, I get that this is shocking to a lot of parents with younger dcs but I'd rather buy them the cider and have it in the open than the kids lie to me routinely about drinking and partying. They are good kids - they are respectful, well behaved, work hard at school and if they want a couple of ciders at a party then I'm ok with that.
They don't come home drunk but they know that we are there for them if they do get too drunk and need help.
It's a fine balance - I wish the culture was not about drinking at 15, I wish the culture was not about eating lots of sugar and eating crappy junk food but while it is, what it is, we will accept moderation and having a reasonably good relationship with our teens where trust goes both ways. If that makes us "try hard" parents - I can live with that.